As a mother of two, many aspects of motherhood seem much easier the second time around. I am much more confident in my abilities and feel very comfortable in my role. Most of the issues I stressed about with my first baby now seem so simple: bedtime routines, feeding schedules, sniffly noses. I find myself enjoying her more and being anxious less, simply because I am trusting in myself and my capabilities.
When it comes to breast feeding in public, however, I find myself still feeling very apprehensive, a bit nervous and anxious in certain settings. I've read so many different articles on the subject, listened to countless women tell stories about being berated and embarrassed simply for feeding their child. And recently, I experienced my own horrific public breast feeding experience, causing me to reflect on a topic that is so controversial, yet shouldn't be considered a controversy at all.
When it comes to breast feeding in public, however, I find myself still feeling very apprehensive, a bit nervous and anxious in certain settings. I've read so many different articles on the subject, listened to countless women tell stories about being berated and embarrassed simply for feeding their child. And recently, I experienced my own horrific public breast feeding experience, causing me to reflect on a topic that is so controversial, yet shouldn't be considered a controversy at all.
My girlfriend and I went to lunch recently and were seated in a high back booth. There was a couple next to us in their own booth, a wall partition separating us at a height that allowed us to see each other's faces but nothing else beyond that. During our meal, Brees's lunch time approached and so I put my nursing cover on, slipped her comfortably underneath it, and nursed her quietly in the privacy of our booth. As my girlfriend and I continued our conversation about lord knows what, I heard a gasp followed quickly by hushed, intense whispering. I turned to look at what all the commotion was only to find the couple next to us STARING me down, the wife giving me the look of death. When our eyes met, they quickly turned back to each other and their meals, averting their eyes from, what? What was wrong?
And then I heard her whisper, “Is she breast feeding? RIGHT THERE?!"
Husband: "Yes, I think so."
Wife: "Did you see anything? Were you looking? Oh my, if I catch you looking!"
Husband: "I didn't see anything! I wasn't looking and she's covered anyway!"
Wife: "I can't believe she would do THAT, right HERE! Don't you dare look, I'm warning you!"
Husband: "I'm not! And why do you care anyway?"
They continued on like this for a while, the whispering slowly escalating until it became obvious they were arguing. I was horrified. I felt my entire face turn beet red, broke out into a sweat, felt my stomach turn. I could NOT believe that a couple was arguing over me feeding my child. Not a single part of my body was exposed, I was in no way drawing attention to myself. I was modestly covered, minding my own business. Why was this a problem?
Soon after, the couple paid their bill and left, the wife shooting me one more nasty look before leaving. I held back tears as I held my baby close, still amazed at the strong reaction I had just received by total strangers. We live in a society where most magazine covers feature half dressed women, exposing their bodies in sexually provocative poses. Women and sex are exploited on television and movie screens without a second thought by mainstream America. And yet a mother nursing her baby is considered inappropriate.
Part of me knows not to give people like this the time of day, there was obviously more going on with that couple than I will ever know. But another part of me was so saddened by their reaction, so frustrated that in this day and age we are still fighting to open people's minds to accepting the most natural function of a mother. I am a very modest person and am always mindful of my body when nursing in public. But should I have to feel so self-conscious about breast feeding in front of others? Should I have to feel as though I must hide, cowering in corners so as to avoid anyone seeing me? Is it fair that I must be stared at , talked about, and embarrassed simply because I am feeding my baby in public? That couple made me feel violated. As I watched them walk away, judgment in their eyes, they made me feel ashamed of myself. How dare someone evoke those emotions in me.
The whole concept is so ridiculous that, for the first time, I felt very empowered and inspired to change my own thinking. I am a proud Mama and breast feeding is a blessing and a special bond between my baby and I. It's not fair to waste those precious moments worrying about what others think. I'm just doing exactly what God intended for me to do. And it's really not my problem that people can't appreciate that. I vowed that day to not waste anymore time worrying about feeding my baby in public. Instead, I will thank God for blessing me with this little soul and for giving me the ability to nourish her through His wonderful creation. We may never be able to sway the minds of people such as the ones I came across at lunch that day and I must accept that. I'm doing myself, my baby, and women in general a disservice by feeling ashamed and self-conscious. I can not help the way others thing, can not control their behavior or reactions. I can only control my own, setting my own standards and standing by them with conviction. I hope that this type of incident doesn't happen again. But, if it does, I pray that I am strong enough to smile through the moment with dignity, giving my baby all the love she so greatly deserves.
