Monday, August 22, 2011

An Evolution


While I was sick and under the weather this weekend, I caught up on my gossip
magazines and all the enlightenment that goes along with.  I read an interview with
Katy Perry, the lovely pop star whom Isabelle thinks is a real life Barbie, where she
credits the "success" of her marriage to the fact that she does not even OWN yoga pants.
Her relationship is the picture of emotional health due to the fact that she is always
perfectly sexy for her man and NEVER desecrates her body with such deal breaking pieces
as jersey knit pants and t-shirts.
I took one long, hard look at myself in the mirror, ELEVEN years into my married life,
and let out a huge laugh!  According to Katy Perry, Shawn and I must be doomed!
Here's a look into the evolution of our marriage, as told through my pajamas:
1.  The early years
In the beginning, it was all about lace nighties and silky underthings.  These were the days
of waking up first and hurrying to brush my teeth before Shawn realized that my
breathe smelled less than ideal in the morning.  This was back when Shawn didn't know
that I, like other humans, pooped, got bikini waxes, and could eat a dozen doughnuts in
one sitting.  I was super wife: perfect and totally put together at all times!  This was the
time of getting to know each other, living together day in and day out and figuring out
who we really were, both as a couple and as individuals.
2.  Getting to know you, the REAL you
I eventually dropped the "perfect woman" facade because, well, it was ridiculous.
This man loved me for who I was, not because I was some perfectly hairless,
body odorless, gastrointestinally challenged Barbie.  I started wearing pajama sets:
pants with matching tops, cute tanks and silky shorts.  They were cute and sexy yet
much more comfortable and practical.  Because who really wants to watch Monday
night football in a negligee?  And, amazingly enough, Shawn still loved me!  He still told me
on a regular basis how beautiful I was, regardless of the fact that my butt cheeks were
no longer hanging out the back of my jammies!  This was the time of becoming
more comfortable with myself, less insecurities and more self-love.  Believing in myself
and learning what was really important in life and love.
3.  Diapers and breast pads and vomit: Oh my!
 And here we are today, eleven years in: 4 pets, 3 college degrees, 2 kids, and 1 house
later.  My pajamas currently consist of the softest, easiest to pull up and down pants I can
find (for those nights when you have to use the bathroom while simultaneously holding
a baby) and Shawn's ratty old t-shirts (because they are so big, they are easy to just pull
up for a baby who is still breast feeding every 3-4 hours throughout the night).  It's all
about function and comfort and wearing things that can endure leaky boobs and baby
spit-up.  This is real life, people.  This is the time of growing from a girl to a woman,
knowing exactly who I am and being completely comfortable in my own skin,
celebrating every part of ourselves, even the not so glamorous sides. 
And so, as I looked at myself in the mirror in my cut-off Tool shirt from the 1998 tour,
I kind of wanted to call Katy Perry and assure her that the success of her marriage
has NOTHING to do with her pajamas or whether or not she wears yoga pants.
Because, inevitably, your husband is going to eventually see you at your worst.  He's the
one who's going to hold your hair back when you get food poisoning from your
favorite Chinese restaurant, he's the one who's going to help you hold your legs up
spread eagle as you birth his baby, he'll be right by your side when your toddler
projectile vomits into your bed in the middle of the night, he'll run to the store for you
to purchase giant maxi-pads.  If he's a good husband, that is.
And you'll do all the same for him.  
After 11 years together, many trials and tribulations under our belts, growing and
learning and living life alongside one another, the "success" of our marriage can be
attributed to one thing: hard work.  Every single day, in sickness and in health, bed head
and bad breathe: it's all about showing up and giving 100%.  Our marriage survives
not because of what we look like on the outside, but because we have a deep rooted
mutual respect, trust, and acceptance of one another.  I may not look my sexiest right
now, but my husband loves me all the same.  He tells me so often: how beautiful I am
when I'm nursing our baby in the early morning light, how gorgeous I look making his
favorite french toast with his two daughters playing in my feet, how happy it makes him
that I know just as much about football as he does, how pretty my voice is when I sing
along to his guitar.  These are the things about me he sees: not what I wear to bed.  These
are the qualities that bind us together and make our love real.  And as I look back on
the evolution of my pajamas, I see a relationship that has grown in strength and truth, a
life that has been built on real experience.  This is real life: working 40 hours a week,
taking care of kids, cooking and cleaning, tending a garden, walking dogs, Girl Scouts
and dance class.  And in between all of that living, we are happy to steal a few
moments together whenever we can.  At the end of the day, when we rest in each
other's arms, we are well aware of the fact that things aren't exactly how they used to
be.  We're both a little chubbier, a tad bit frumpier, a few more lines forming around the
eyes.  But we are in love, we are shooting for forever, and these things come with the
package.  We accept each other, every ounce of it.
These days, it's come as you are, old band shirts accepted.

26 comments:

Ashley Sisk said...

ahahahahahah I can totally relate. I hardly ever put on the sexy undies anymore and I don't have any kids to blame for that!

Little Gray Pixel said...

Awesome post! And LOL @ Katy Perry. She's been married for like five minutes.

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

Love this post! So true!!

deanna@delirious-rhapsody said...

hahaha!! so true!

and wait a second...hasn't katy perry only been married for a short while? so she's still in the honeymoon stage where she thinks marriage is all rainbows and unicorns. i kinda like the pajama wearing, belching totally allowed, nose picking secure years of marriage way better. :)

Sar said...

I am absolutely in love with this post. All of it.

Hilary@BabyMooHoo said...

while i think that sustaining a marriage takes a fair amount of work, i am also inclined to agree that marriage just gets better as it goes--mostly because all the silliness of the beginning of your relationship is replaced by more of the real stuff. reading this made me laugh out loud--i was so that girl in the lacy underthings who nevernevernever burped or farted or ANYTHING when mike and i were first together. 10 years in is WAY more comfortable :)

Keri-Anne said...

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The Poole Family said...

Olivia!!!! This needs to be PUBLISHED!!!!!!!! It's absolutely wonderful and is so REAL! Every engaged couple and newlywed NEEDS this! It's SO true!! Beauty is so fleeting and to know that your husband truly loves you for who YOU are and NOT what you look like (whether in cute panties or in giant granny panties!) is SUCH a treasure. It's easy to love a man who still adores us when we're covered in breast milk and spit-up. FANTASTIC post!! :) Now... where is my "Print" button?? :)

Megan said...

Oh wow, her marriage is doomed if she thinks that is truly why it is successful!! This is SO beautifully written and SO true!! Beauty only lasts a season and there better be some love and emotions behind that! We haven't even been married a year and I am already in big t-shirts and sweatpants. Haha.

bird and tree said...

How true...how so very true! Thanks for that great reminder.. Its ok right... we love our spouses and they love us... we got all the fluff out of the way...but what remains is the real stuff...the love thats says..I don't care what you're wearing or how you've changed...I still see the same person I fell in love with!!! Awesome post!

d'Artagnan said...

I'm not a mom, but I hear ya, sister! You and your hubby are adorable!

XOXO

--d'Arty

Raechel @ Our Island Outlook said...

I loved this post, thanks so much for writing it!

sara sparkles said...

I feel like I love you more and more with every single post... I can TOTALLY relate... even though we've only been married four years, we've been together nine... and I much prefer these years!

and one day, katy perry will read that interview and think the same thing... assuming she's still married of course ;)

KimBerly said...

You are amazing and I love your posts. Cute pictures!! B loves when I am in Pj pants more than when I am dressed up.

kriznizzel said...

I don't wear sexy undies after child birth and sometimes if we are staying home I don't have the energy to get dressed, I'm shocked to think there are woman out there that stay that maintained! I wish I could!

Lucy The Valiant said...

Silly Katie Perry!
I love this post, it's all kinds of right on!

UpperBottom said...

omg this is my favorite post i've read in like forever, of all the blogs.

so relatable. my jammies consist of a 16 yr old elvis sweatshirt (straight from graceland when i visited as a kid, thank you very much), and the sweatshirt is a size xxl. i pair that bad boy with tapered elastic-ankled grey sweatpants that belonged to a high school boyfriend. kill me.

Caitlin said...

Haha well realistically whose marriage is far more likely to last anyway? I loved this post and your honesty. I can tell you and Shan really love each other and I really hope Rob and I remember to work as hard on our marriage onc kids come along. Thanks for this reminder!

For my part, I have never worn sexy PJs or sexy panties. It's bikini cut for this girl. And since college I've always just slept in panties, though I have some pretty goofy PJ pants and old shirts to wear around the house. Last winter I bought some thermal Jim jams from VS, but they make me look like I'm seven so they still meet the goofy crieria (especially when I wear them with fluff socks or tube socks. Lord I hate winter). Rob generally thinks it's adorable an always has!

Also, Katy Perry is high because yoga pants make your ass look GREAT if worn right :)

Caitlin said...

Shawn, no Shan, damn iPad.

Ross said...

Amen to this post! I've been with my wife 14yrs and let me tell you who cares what each of you is wearing.

Randalin. said...

Ohmygosh! So funny! I absolutely love this post. I laughed so hard seeing you in the pink tie-dye (don't get me wrong - you rock the tie die girl. Just funny to see the change from the previous pics!). Anyway, I'm pretty positive that I've seen Katy Perry's husband in yoga pants. What does that say???

sarah nicole said...

Amen, sister! Love this.

xo,

Sarah

Nae said...

Oh this is AWSUM!!! And just so true!! We'v only been married for 2 years but its hole-filled old comfy pjs all the way!! I find it kinda comforting to know that one day she's gunna have to fart in front of her husband!!

Lindsay said...

I love, love, love this post! It was hilarious, unique, well written, philosophical, true to the heart, and advice to live by. I have a pair of light blue pj pants covered in Eeyores that are about 3 sizes to big for me. I wear them around the house when I am sick or after working a night shift. Henry actually loves them on me, even though they are ridiculously unsexy. That just goes to show what Ms. Perry knows about love haha. Great post! You, your blog, your wisdom and your writing are amazing!

lady lee said...

This is a great post. It brought tears to my eyes. Your husband is awesome. When we are wearing our ugly pajamas we really need someone to still tell us we are pretty (and mean it).

I also wanted to tell you that I am currently wearing pajamas that look just like yours. Being able to hold baby and pull down pants so you can pee thing is a real need in pj pants! Haha! I love that you mentioned that.

Anonymous said...

haha! this is SO true!

hey, i love your blog. keep up the great, insightful, conscious posts! :)

and did you hear? katy perry is divorcing already. hmm.