Friday, March 23, 2012

Husbands and Tea

Late one night this week, after the girls were in bed and the house was settled, my 
husband and I met in the kitchen over a few cups of tea.  We caught up on our week, 
gave each other reminders and discussed upcoming events.  We talked about family news 
and the issues that had been weighing on our shoulders.  Eventually, the conversation 
shifted to old times, deep feelings, the thoughts that had been dancing on our 
hearts.  Somehow, we began talking about a difficult time we went through early on in 
our marriage, a time when we struggled and fought to make our relationship work.
My husband is what most people would consider the strong, silent type.  He is 
extremely sensitive, articulate, and passionate about life but he does not waste his 
emotions.  He is very careful about sharing them, ensuring that when he opens his heart 
to you, you are experiencing a genuine moment.
On this night, at our kitchen table, talking about a time in which we struggled, 
he said...
I am so sorry for all of those things I did to you.
I was wrong.
You did not deserve to be treated that way.  You are so good.
I take full responsibility for my actions.
You always stand by me, no matter what.  I see that now, looking back.
Your strength and your unconditional love carried me through.
I'll never be able to thank you enough.
Looking back on that time, I see what you did and who you are, 
and I love you for it.
As tears streamed down my face, I thanked him for this most heartfelt apology.  An 
apology that was not really needed as that time in our life is a decade past.  But, still, it 
was something I needed to know, to hear, and it meant the world to me.
He asked me why I was crying, didn't I already know those things?  He was amazed 
that those words could mean so much to me.  He was sure that I knew them to be 
true already.
Sometimes, as women, we need to hear it.  We need to hear you say those words.  To 
witness your vulnerability as you open up your heart and bare your soul and stand up.  
I've always known those words to be true, but to hear them come from the mouth of the 
man I love made me feel like I could dance across water.  
My husband and I were brought closer that night because of those words, that moment, 
the hour at the kitchen table over a few cups of tea.  We put work into our marriage that 
we do not always have the courage to do.  And that is what it will take, for the rest of 
this lifetime, to continue loving one another.  Admitting wrongs, making them right, 
staring each other in the eyes and saying the words that need to be said.  Such is the 
beauty of the journey of marriage.  Humility, patience, and love.  
All over a few cups of tea.

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deanna@delirious-rhapsody said...

you guys are just so wonderful. i can only imagine how happy your heart felt to hear shawn give his apology. hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Anonymous said...

So moving Olivia, I imagine your happy heart.........sometime we need to hear it, that's true.
Have a fabulous week-end! xx

Nessa Bixler said...

Oh my tears over here... what an amazingly beautiful statement of love and apology. Thanks for sharing Olivia.

Lucy The Valiant said...

Awwww! My husband and I have those conversations occasionally, too, and I swear it makes it worth whatever struggles we had in the past, just to hear him SAY things like that!

AmandaRose said...

This is so lovely. My husband and I had a very rough patch at the beginning of our relationship and he recently apologized for the way that he treated me. You are so right that we absolutely need to hear it sometimes.

Sara said...

So wonderful. It can be hard to know what our strong-silent ones are thinking, so I'm sure what he had to say really meant the world to you. How wonderful that you are finding these moments to spend together and to work on your relationship and keeping it strong. I love the image you included at the top. It's so true that so many people give up when times get hard, but I think pushing through those times gives us more than we could ever imagine. Lots of love to you my friend.