Be Still

In life, there are times when the answers I seek seem hidden so deep inside my own head that
I can't think clearly.  I complicate things by overanalyzing and obsessing over details I have 
no control over.  I am hard on myself and relentless in my self doubt.  Though I pride myself 
in living a life of positive thinking and forward motion, I am my toughest critic.  My 
tendency to be an overachiever is sometimes my biggest downfall in that I forget to ask for 
and accept help.  I drown myself in the quest for bigger, better, happier times, 
willingly carrying the world on my own little shoulders.  And the answers I search for just 
get buried deeper and deeper until I find myself screaming WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!

Last week, it was as if the universe had a message for me, a lesson I needed to learn, and it
was relentless in its quest for me to receive it.  BE STILL.  I heard and read and witnessed
those two very powerful words everywhere I went.  BE STILL.

As I was helping one of my patients with her medicines, she asked me how my husband
was doing.  I gave her a quick update, not wanting to burden her with too many details.  But
she kept prodding me, opening me up with her concern and her genuine compassion.
"It's okay, baby girl.  You just need to BE STILL and know that He is Lord.  You are
blanketed in prayers right now.  You have so many people rooting for you".  And she was
so right: I just need to BE STILL and have faith, believe in His plan for us completely
and wholeheartedly.

I talked to one of my best friends on the phone, telling her of all my plans for the weekend
and the long list of things I needed to do.  "Girl, don't even worry about all that stuff.  Y'all
just need to BE STILL  and relax.  Enjoy your time off and don't sweat all that small stuff".
And she was so right: I just need to BE STILL and enjoy the small moments.  The laundry
and chores and to-dos can all wait.  What is this life all about if I am not putting those
things aside and enjoying the chance to turn everything off and just be.

I received a card from a cousin that read:
Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He, faithful, will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
~Jane Laurie Borthwick

And she was so right: I have to have patience and faith, I have to BE STILL  and know
that through this whole experience, we are traveling down a path that we were meant to
walk.  There is no need to stress or worry or fear the unknown because the unknown is sure
to be the most beautiful part.  

And so this weekend was spent wrapped in the comfort of each other, getting lots of rest
and slowing things down.  We watched movies, cooked big meals, drank Sunday morning
tea with friends, and slept all piled together in the big bed.  It was quiet and relaxing and I
feel so rejuvenated because of it.  This weekend, the message was bright and clear, not
giving my head the opportunity to bury it deep within.  This weekend, my heart sang
 loudly, "BE STILL, Liv!" and I so happily obliged.