Adventures in Breastfeeding: Weaning

Of all the parts of motherhood I hold dear, breastfeeding is definitely one of my 

greatest loves.  As a full-time RN who works outside the home 5 days a week, I 

consider myself beyond blessed to have been able to exclusively nurse Brees for as long 

as I have.  I had hoped to make it to one year, diligently toting my pump to work with 

me everyday, storing milk like it was the gold at the end of a rainbow.  I worked really, 

really hard to balance my career and my role as a mother and we made it to Brees' 

first birthday with a healthy breastfed baby.

And then we decided to keep going.  Two years, that became my new goal.  By that 

point nursing was second nature, completely effortless, and simply required me to 

continue to eat healthy and take care of myself.  Brees began eating the same foods the

 rest of the family was having, decreasing her nursing sessions to only 3 times a 

day: morning, evening, and bedtime.  I loved every minute of it, especially the 

bedtime sessions, sitting in my rocking chair in her nursery, just the two of us.  

It was an unspeakable bond.

But then Shawn got into his accident and our whole world was turned upside down.  I was 

at my husband's bedside, nursing him back to health, willing him to overcome his 

greatest obstacle, which meant I was away from my little girls.  We spent a total of 21 

days away from Isabelle and Brees with only a few short visits scattered in between.  I 

was in such shock about the accident for the first few days that my body did not respond 

to the lack of nursing as I might have thought it would: there was no pain or swelling, 

no leaking or infection.  I simply just stopped producing milk.  I remember waking up on 

the 3rd day and crying quietly into my pillow, the emotional toll of everything that had 

happened too great for me to bear in silence any longer.  I remember picturing the 

girls, imagining their arms around me, smelling their hair and hearing their little 

girl laughter.  It was a very hard day.

On the 5th day, my mother in law brought the girls to visit.  Because Shawn was in 

such critical condition, they could not visit him.  Instead, I spent the afternoon with them 

at the hotel room Shawn's family had reserved.  We ordered in pizza and played games 

and caught up on all the love we had missed.  We took a nap all cuddled up together and

 I held onto them for dear life, allowing their innocence and unconditional love to mend 

my broken heart.  As our visit was drawing to an end, Brees became fussy and wouldn't 

let me go.  I rocked her and held her and tried everything I knew to make her happy, but

 the tears kept flowing.  Finally, she reached down and pulled up my shirt, laid on her 

side and attempted to nurse one last time.  She closed her eyes, rubbed my back, 

and relaxed as she had done so many times before.  She did not get frustrated when the 

milk did not flow as she was accustomed.  She simply breathed in the moment and enjoyed

 it for what it was worth: our closeness healing her broken heart.

Brees,

 I never meant to stop nursing you when I did and I will probably never forgive 

myself for not doing more to increase our chances of continuing later.  I have loved 

every minute of our breastfeeding journey together, even those long nights when you 

woke up every hour and refused to go to anyone else.  Our weaning story is definitely 

not what I would have ever imagined but I know that one day we will look back on all 

of this and understand the greater purpose.  I am so thankful to be home with you again, 

to rock you to sleep every night and see your smiling face in the morning.  We may 

have closed this one chapter in your story so far but, I promise you, there is so much 

more waiting for us ahead.  You are loved, my sweet girl, loved beyond belief.