Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Wiping the Dust Away

This weekend, we were able to spend time with some of our very best friends.  My
dear, beautiful Ashley brought us a baked spaghetti casserole, saving me from making
dinner on Saturday.  The kids went swimming for probably the last weekend of the
summer and kept each other happily entertained for hours.  And when Shawn announced
that he felt stronger and more energetic than he has in months, my girlfriends
recruited husbands and fathers and brothers to come over and help him drag an old
cabinet out of the barn for him to refurbish.  Watching that husband of mine work out in
the yard, sweating and lifting and hammering away side by side with this selfless group of
men was enough to make me cry tears of joy.
I feel like we woke up a little bit this weekend, we wiped a layer of dust off our windshield
and moved forward just an inch.  We gave our home so much needed attention, spent time
with amazing friends, and crossed a few things off our list.  On Sunday night, after a long
day out in the sun, Shawn went to bed early with Brees right next to him.  Ashley took
Isabelle for a play date with her girls and I suddenly found myself with a few hours all
to myself.  I took a long shower, made myself a cup of tea, and curled up on the sofa with
a book.  It was quiet and relaxing and I felt so at peace.  After a long week of work,
hurricanes, and sickness, having a few moments to myself was the most amazing gift
Ashley could have given me.
I've been thinking lately about the grief we have experienced since Shawn's accident,
the complete and total loss that has hung over us and become a new reality.  He is alive and
we are thankful but there is still a deep sadness that accompanies such trauma.  With so
many uncertainties on the horizon and the role changes that have occurred because of
his inability to function as he once did, we have been in a state of mourning.  We have
experienced denial, anger, and depression: all of these emotions swirling and changing
and sometimes occurring at the same time.  But I felt a shift this weekend, a pull on my
heart that is telling me not to sit in this grief for too long.  It is important to experience it,
to know it and feel it and make it a part of who I am.  But then you have to stand up and
move forward, shake the grief off and allow the blessings to take center stage.
Allowing ourselves the space and freedom to own our emotions and experience them fully
is essential to healing.  And so we go through this incredibly emotional process, this
soul rocking phase.  One day at a time, little baby steps forward and, occasionally, a couple
of steps back.  This weekend, I am so grateful for good friends, hard work, and a DIY
project to keep us busy.
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Power tools + gardening = Liv in heaven...

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Sara said...

What a sweet group of friends. And really, I'm glad you had a few hours just to yourself to relax completely. I'm sure this time of transition is tough, but I'm in constant admiration over how well you are handling it all and the positive attitude you are able to maintain. Lots of love to you all always.

Caitlin A. said...

God damn, Isabelle is your little mini-me in that last photo! Aaaadorable. And I'm glad things are starting to get back to some semblance of normal for you guys...I think anyone in your position would feel as shaken as you guys are. <3

Ashley said...

It was so good to spend time with your family this weekend. Alan was very happy to spend some time with Shawn both Saturday and Sunday - what a treat for us!! Your positive energy is contagious..wish I could go to your house more often!

Randalin said...

Oh Liv, I am so, so happy for you and the fam. You guys are doing so great and it's wonderful to hear that you got some time to yourself and were able to feel things slipping back to "normal."

Olivia said...

Thank you!! We are definitely moving into a new kind of normal:)

Olivia said...

We love y'all so much!!! Can't wait to do it again!

Olivia said...

The resemblance is pretty crazy, right?!!!

Olivia said...

Thank you, love!! Your constant support is priceless!!

Marie said...

Sometime it takes a couple of hours to see things differently - I am so happy for you Liv, these past weeks have been hard and you stayed strong all along. Maybe now the time has come to turn one page - but you were right to stay a bit with the grief and pain, it is when we allow it in our life that we can really heal fully.
Take care of yourself Liv and be proud of your little family!! xx