Adventures In Breastfeeding: Survival

 

When I was pregnant with Isabelle, I focused all of my attention, my heart and my soul, into nurturing my pregnancy.  I had every single baby countdown calendar I could get my hands on, attended birthing classes, read books and magazines and online pregnancy forums.  I took my vitamins and ate good things and did everything that I was supposed to do.  And then the day finally came and she was here and my nurse placed her gently into my arms and said, "Here you go, Mama.  You can nurse her now". And she just walked away.  And left me.  With a brand new baby.  I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I had spent my entire pregnancy obsessing about my pregnancy.  Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten to prepare for the hardest part: breastfeeding my newborn.

It's supposed to be natural, right?  Your baby is supposed to latch on while you blissfully look down and the bonding just instantly occurs.  But, it didn't happen like that for me.  I had to really, really work at it.  And even with all that working at it, I didn't nurse Belle the way that I wanted to, for as long as I wanted to.  I didn't enjoy the process.  I succumbed to every single negative aspect of nursing: the pain, the perceived inconveniences, the engorgement, the worrying over whether or not my milk came in, is the baby getting enough, what the hell am I doing?

The second time around, I did things very, very differently.  I studied, I read, I talked to other mothers and took notes and collected ideas.  I reached out to the lactation consultant at the hospital and had my pump ready and got my husband on board.  I put my mind to the task and settled in on a goal: I was going to do this and I was going to do it well.  I would not let the negative aspects beat me down. Because it IS hard at first.  It just is.  And going into the newborn phase as a breastfeeding mama: you need to know that. But, you also need to know that it gets BETTER.  Sooner than you might think. It gets easier and easier and you get more comfortable and before you know it, your baby really is latching on effortlessly while you look down at him blissfully.  Just like you had hoped.

Here are a few things I've learned along the way to make that blissful moment happen:

1.  Study.  Study up on breastfeeding.  Read the books, take the classes, ask the questions.  Though breastfeeding is, by all accounts, a natural function of our bodies, it is a learned art.  Study up on proper positioning, how to tell if your baby is latching properly, what to expect and how to handle it. Put the work in and you will be so grateful when the time comes.

2.  Take care of yourself.  Breastfeeding mamas have to drink adequate fluids, we must eat enough calories to support our milk producing bodies. Your milk supply will suffer if you don't make your health a priority, I've experienced it many times.  Keep a glass of water near and a snack on the ready. While you're at it, have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, invest in some mother's milk tea, and learn to bake lactation cookies.  These things all help!

3.  Don't get caught up in the timing.  Infants should nurse on demand which, in the beginning, means constantly. I nurse River on one side until he is completely done, pulling himself off the breast rather than me pulling him off, allowing him to get the all powerful hindmilk.  I then offer the other breast: sometimes he nurses again, sometimes not.  If he doesn't nurse on the other breast, I start him on that side first at the next feeding. The baby knows when he has had enough, he doesn't need me to time him or coax to the other breast. Once I understood this concept and allowed myself to relax and stop looking at the clock, my anxieties started melting away. Remember: there is no pacifying a hungry baby.  When your baby is hungry, stop what you are doing and feed him.  Don't waste your time trying to hold him off, there is no holding off a hungry infant. This might mean pulling over on the side of the road to nurse a hungry babe (been there) or asking your older children to be patient while brother nurses AGAIN (done that). Just go with it. You'll find a rhythm soon enough.

4.  It will hurt, but not for long.  We've all heard it: if you're doing it right, breastfeeding should not hurt.  Well, that's just not true.  In the beginning, breastfeeding DOES hurt: your nipples are sore and your breasts are engorged and everything is leaking and uncomfortable. Take courage: this will pass sooner than you might think. When the baby first latches on, take long, slow deep breathes.  Close your eyes and BREATH. When you feel the letdown, know that your body is being filled with endorphins and hormones and you may even experience that euphoric high some mothers talk about. Keep your nipples clean and dry, apply lanolin cream as often as you need to. Have an expert check the baby's latch for you, ask them to show you what it should look like so that you can make sure he's doing it correctly at home.  Be patient with the baby: he's learning the right way to do this right along with you. Bring the baby to the breast, not the breast to the baby. Use your finger and place it on the inside of the baby's cheek to break the seal rather than just pulling a latched baby off the breast. At the one month mark, you WILL notice a difference.  You will nurse your baby and it will suddenly occur to you that the pain has subsided, you're no longer sore, hey this is getting easier! There WILL be a turning point, just keep at it.

5.  If you nurse him, it will come.  Do not worry about if or when or how much: your milk will come in.  When it comes is different for every mother, do not get caught up in textbook time tables. Remember: nursing is a supply and demand physiological process. The more you nurse, the more milk you will produce.  Keep nursing, stay relaxed, and breath. Keep hydrated and fed. When in doubt, consult your lactation consultant.

6. Form a team.  Breastfeeding can be isolating in the early days, the nights stretching out long and dark before you. Reach out to your partner, your family and friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't let your ego prevent you from accepting it. Use your resources: breastfeeding forums, LaLeche, your pump. Have the tools that you need to help you succeed.  Be as prepared as you can and then be patient when nothing goes the way that you had hoped. You are not alone in this and you are doing great work: keep at it.

7. Learn to nurse lying down: it will save your sanity and allow you to get some much needed rest. In the early days, River and I could often be found on the couch or on the floor or in our bed, me dozing peacefully and River nursing AGAIN. It was the only way I was able to rest in the beginning. Practice nursing in different positions, learn which ones your baby prefers and go with it. Use pillows, the Boppy, your knee, whatever you need to in order to support your back.

In the beginning, it's all about survival. You are learning right along with your baby, the two of you literally intertwined in this complicated dance that is really not so complicated once you get the hang of it.  Stick with it, give it at least 6 weeks. Yes, 6 weeks. That may seem like a long time when you're struggling in the beginning but you will reach that turning point before you know it. You can do this, mama.

Stats: Month Two

River at two months:

Weight/Height: 14 lbs 24 inches (90th percentile)

Feeding:  River has fallen into a more predictable feeding schedule, nursing every 3-4 hours during the day and 2-3 times per night.  He wakes up for his first feeding of the day around 7 am and the rest of the day goes from there.  We are still following the EASY routine and leaving the house has become easier as I am better able to predict when he will be hungry.  I am no longer engorged or sore and my milk supply has leveled off.  I still have to block nurse for the first few feedings of the day due to a heavy morning supply.  Block nursing is super helpful with forceful letdown: when letdown occurs, take the baby off the breast, cover your breast with a towel or cloth to absorb the milk flow.  Once the milk flow has slowed down, put baby back on the breast.  This helps the baby to deal with a forceful letdown and avoid gagging, choking, spitting up, etc.  It really works!  

As good as my supply is in the morning, it tends to decrease dramatically in the early evenings.  I had to call myself out on the fact that this is our family's busiest time of the day and I have neglected myself and fallen into bad habits of not eating or drinking enough water.  I am trying to be more intentional about having a glass of water near while I make dinner, help with homework, and orchestrate bath time.  No matter how busy things get, it is important to take care of myself so that I can take care of River.

Sleep:  River's naps have fallen into a more routine cycle this month.  He wakes up around 7, nurses, gets dressed and plays for about an hour, and then takes a morning nap.  He wakes up again around 10, nurses, plays, and then goes down for a mid day nap.  This cycle is repeated throughout the day until bed time at 7 pm.  He sleeps in his bassinet in our room for naps and in the big bed with Shawn and I at night.  I rock him to sleep every chance I get.

As good as nap times are going, night time sleep has been incredibly unpredictable.  Some nights are great, with River sleeping as much as 5 hours at a time.  Other nights, we are up all night with a wide awake baby.  It differs every single night despite our consistency and night time routine.  Such is the way with infants, however, and we have learned to just be thankful for the good nights.  He is sleeping in his cosleeper much better but still prefers to be right next to me, head on my shoulder, arm around my neck.  I don't mind one bit.

Milestones:  This month, River went on his first hiking trip and his first trip to the zoo.  He slept through both adventures but we're sure he had a great time regardless.  He also gave us his first smile, a moment that made everyone in the family cheer and shout!

Personality:  River is the sweetest boy and has really captured all of our hearts.  Belle and Brees have done an amazing job adjusting to the new baby and we saw them begin to bond with their baby brother this month.  They went through their toys and found things they thought he might like, waving dolls and rattles in his face during tummy time and entertaining him more than any activity mat ever could. River spends much of his day in his wrap, preferably outdoors.  He has become much more alert this month and likes to be up on my shoulder looking around.  He gets really excited when Shawn plays guitar for him.  Bath time has gotten better and he no longer cries through the whole process.  

Health:  River had some colic issues this month, getting very fussy in the early evening hours and struggling with gas pains.  We had several nights of crying for hours at a time no matter what we did and it was exhausting for all of us.  I have cut dairy out of my diet and started River on infant probiotics and the colic symptoms have subsided considerably.  Hopefully, his digestive system will continue to improve as his little body develops.

We really enjoyed this month with our precious boy.  The whole family seems to have emerged from the newborn haze and we are venturing out more and more together.  It feels good to be active again, to get out into the world with River.  This month, I feel proud of how well we have all come together and worked as a team to adjust to life with a new baby.  The whole family seems to have taken a collective deep breathe and the stress and chaos of the early days has subsided.  Happy two months of life, River Scott!  Feel free to slow time down, okay?

Stats

River at one month:

Weight: 12 pounds (95 percentile)

Feeding:  River has been exclusively breastfed since birth.  For the first few weeks, I fed him on demand but followed the EASY routine.  I've posted on this method before: it is NOT a sleep training method or a strict routine.  It is simply a way to ensure that all of your baby's needs are met and to assist your baby in finding a natural rhythm to their day.  I first read about this theory when I was pregnant for Isabelle and I have used it with all three of our kids.  It is taken from the book "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems," by Tracy Hogg.  In Hogg's words:

E.A.S.Y. is "a routine that gives the day structure and makes family life consistent, which is important because all of us, children and adults, as well as babies and toddlers, thrive on predictability."  "With E.A.S.Y., you don't follow the baby; you take charge.   You observe him carefully, tune in to his cues, but you take the lead, gently encouraging him to follow what you know will make him thrive:  eating, appropriate levels of activity, and a good sleep afterwards.  You are the baby's guide.  You set the pace."  (page 16)

At around 2 weeks old, River began a predictable cycle of nursing every two hours.  At night, his feedings have spread out to every 3-4 hours.  There are days when he nurses more often, however, and I am careful on those days to follow his cues and feed him as often as he needs.  

At one month old, River and I are settling into a good routine with nursing.  I experienced a fair amount of soreness and engorgement for the first two weeks, to be expected, but those things have settled down and I am feeling much more comfortable these days.  River has a good latch and has not experienced any reflux or colic issues unlike his sisters. Breastfeeding has gone so well with this little guy and I am hoping to continue nursing him well into his first year.

Sleep:  River literally slept through most of his first month of life.  Almost every photo we have of him shows him sleeping in one place or another.  For the first two weeks, he had his days and nights mixed up and typically chose to be awake through the late night hours. The only way he would sleep at night was in my arms and so we spent the first two weeks of his life sleeping in our rocker/recliner in the living room.  I watched more late night TV this month than I ever have in my life.  Sleeping sitting up with a baby in your arms is not the most restful way to spend the night, I can promise you that.  But, at around two weeks old, he started to shift into a more natural rhythm and began a more predictable sleep cycle.  He is now sleeping with Shawn and I in our bed, getting 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and then waking to nurse.  The EASY routine addresses sleep as well as feeding and helps baby to differentiate between night and day sleep cycles.  River is slowly but surely figuring this all out and is getting better rest because of it.  

Health:  River is a big, healthy boy!  He had an ultrasound done to his hips this month due to a family history of hip dysplasia and his very large gestational size but the results came back perfect.  I am learning what I can and can not eat in regards to his digestion and so far have limited my intake of caffeine, dairy, and oranges.

Personality:  River is, overall, a very calm and sweet baby.  As the third child in our family, he has adjusted well to life inside this loud, full of life home.  He tolerates his sisters' shrill screams, barely flinching when they run right by his bed making more noise than a heavy metal band.  He loves to be held and worn, spending much of his day in my Solly wrap or Ergo carrier.  He is the first of our children to actually like his baby swing and is content to sit in his swing while we cook dinner or get a few things done around the house. He responds well to music and loves to be swaddled and rocked to sleep.  He enjoys being outdoors and I have found that the quickest way to soothe him if he is fussy is to take him on a walk in the fresh air.  He does NOT like bath time, being cold, or getting dressed.

River is a month old already and I am amazed by how quickly time has flown by.  The first month is always a bit of a haze between the sleepless nights, constant breast feeding, and the overall delirium that accompanies a new life.  It has been a wonderful month, though, as we all get to know the newest member of our family.  We have not traveled far from our nest these last few weeks, instead choosing to hibernate for a while, heal, relax, and spend time with each other in the quiet and comfortable environment of our home.  These days together have been so precious to me and are such a nice change from my usual schedule. We have all been making an effort to practice extra patience and grace with one another, to be understanding of the effects a life change such as this one has on a family, and to make changes accordingly.  I am so proud of our family and have been overwhelmed by the amount of love I have witnessed this month.  It's been an amazing ride so far.

Adventures in Breastfeeding: Preparation

Throughout my first pregnancy, I planned to breastfeed my baby, anxiously awaiting the task ahead. I heard every horror story imaginable from friends and family and coworkers: from milk supplies that never came in to cracked nipples to clogged milk ducts.  It seemed that everyone had a story to tell and most of them were negative.  These stories made me scared shitless.  Scared enough to actually fear breastfeeding and everything that came with it.  Was everyone I knew really having such a difficult time nursing?  Or were they just too afraid to speak up if their experience was a positive one?  When it comes to motherhood, I find that most moms are more willing to share the bad over the good so as to avoid being labeled That Mom.  You know That Mom I'm talking about: the ones who get called out for being "too" positive, the moms no one believe when they swear they are actually happy raising kids and doing mom-esque things.  So we guilt ourselves into participating in conversations where we try to convince others that we're all in the same boat, this sucks, it's hard and any one who tells you any different is lying and/or overdosing on unicorns and sparkles.

Here's the thing: I love breastfeeding.  I love being close to my baby.  I love hiding away from the world under the covers and keeping my newborn right next to me.  Two kids and one on the way in and I'm no longer afraid to just come out and say it: I love being a mom and embrace the chaos that role entails.  When this baby is born, I am fully aware that I will get little to no sleep, that my body will be a big hormonal mess, that my baby will want to nurse nonstop regardless of how sore my nipples might be.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will have little time to myself, that showers will become a luxury, and that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to fulfill all of my obligations because there just won't be enough hours in the day.  And I have grown enough as a woman and a mother and a wife to be okay with all of those things.  Because a miraculous and wonderfully made person is about to enter into my life and I will be forever changed.  And that demanding, exhausting, and sometimes scary newborn phase is a very tiny and insignificant window in the grand scheme of things.  You accept the reality of it and you move forward, enjoying it for what it is.  

And you prepare.  If you've read my blog at all during this pregnancy, it's pretty obvious that we've spent a fair amount of time nesting and organizing and making room for this baby in our lives.  That's how I get through life changes: I allow myself the space to prepare.  I put time and energy into welcoming the change.  I listen to the horror stories and the unsolicited advice, I take notes, I learn lessons, and then I make my own experience, always hoping and praying for the best.  And if the best doesn't come, I hope and pray for the strength to deal with whatever comes my way with grace.

Breastfeeding is a learned art between baby and mother: it takes preparation, practice, and patience.  It requires a strong support network and a determined spirit.  Here is a list of a few essentials:

1.  Nursing bras: I have a sleep nursing bra in my hospital bag to wear for the first few postpartum days.  I have several different styles waiting for me at home: a few with underwire, a few without, a blend of different shapes and sizes I've found work best for me.  Do yourself a favor: grab your best friend and a sense of humor and try on as many bras as it takes to find what works best for you.  Remember: your boobs will increase in size once your milk comes in.  Don't freak out when you wake up one morning resembling Pamela Anderson.

2.  Nursing pads: I use disposable pads for the first few weeks when things are just all leaky and unpredictable.  Once my milk supply becomes a tad bit regulated, I switch to washable pads. 

3.  Nursing tanks/flowy tops: Set yourself up for success by wearing clothing that is easily accessible to your nursing lifestyle, especially at the beginning when you're just getting the hang of all this nursing business.  I prefer loose fitting, soft, breathable, cotton tops that are easy to pull up.

4.  Breast pump: I wrote this post on pumping and it covers all the basics.

5.  Nipple cream: The hospital will provide you with a lanolin cream, no need to pack it but you should definitely have some on hand for when you get home.  My lactation consultant recommends that mamas who plan to nurse should start greasing those suckers up a few weeks before your due date.  There are plenty of women out there who will tell you that applying nipple cream before the baby is born did them absolutely no good but I say why not?  It can't hurt and the cream is actually very soothing to dry pregnant skin.

Remember: preparation, practice, and patience.  But, most of all, acceptance for whatever comes your way.  Take deep breathes, ask for help when needed, and give yourself and your baby the time you need to make this new relationship work.  It is not always easy or beautiful or perfect but it is a journey well worth embarking on.

Adventures in Breastfeeding: Weaning

Of all the parts of motherhood I hold dear, breastfeeding is definitely one of my 

greatest loves.  As a full-time RN who works outside the home 5 days a week, I 

consider myself beyond blessed to have been able to exclusively nurse Brees for as long 

as I have.  I had hoped to make it to one year, diligently toting my pump to work with 

me everyday, storing milk like it was the gold at the end of a rainbow.  I worked really, 

really hard to balance my career and my role as a mother and we made it to Brees' 

first birthday with a healthy breastfed baby.

And then we decided to keep going.  Two years, that became my new goal.  By that 

point nursing was second nature, completely effortless, and simply required me to 

continue to eat healthy and take care of myself.  Brees began eating the same foods the

 rest of the family was having, decreasing her nursing sessions to only 3 times a 

day: morning, evening, and bedtime.  I loved every minute of it, especially the 

bedtime sessions, sitting in my rocking chair in her nursery, just the two of us.  

It was an unspeakable bond.

But then Shawn got into his accident and our whole world was turned upside down.  I was 

at my husband's bedside, nursing him back to health, willing him to overcome his 

greatest obstacle, which meant I was away from my little girls.  We spent a total of 21 

days away from Isabelle and Brees with only a few short visits scattered in between.  I 

was in such shock about the accident for the first few days that my body did not respond 

to the lack of nursing as I might have thought it would: there was no pain or swelling, 

no leaking or infection.  I simply just stopped producing milk.  I remember waking up on 

the 3rd day and crying quietly into my pillow, the emotional toll of everything that had 

happened too great for me to bear in silence any longer.  I remember picturing the 

girls, imagining their arms around me, smelling their hair and hearing their little 

girl laughter.  It was a very hard day.

On the 5th day, my mother in law brought the girls to visit.  Because Shawn was in 

such critical condition, they could not visit him.  Instead, I spent the afternoon with them 

at the hotel room Shawn's family had reserved.  We ordered in pizza and played games 

and caught up on all the love we had missed.  We took a nap all cuddled up together and

 I held onto them for dear life, allowing their innocence and unconditional love to mend 

my broken heart.  As our visit was drawing to an end, Brees became fussy and wouldn't 

let me go.  I rocked her and held her and tried everything I knew to make her happy, but

 the tears kept flowing.  Finally, she reached down and pulled up my shirt, laid on her 

side and attempted to nurse one last time.  She closed her eyes, rubbed my back, 

and relaxed as she had done so many times before.  She did not get frustrated when the 

milk did not flow as she was accustomed.  She simply breathed in the moment and enjoyed

 it for what it was worth: our closeness healing her broken heart.

Brees,

 I never meant to stop nursing you when I did and I will probably never forgive 

myself for not doing more to increase our chances of continuing later.  I have loved 

every minute of our breastfeeding journey together, even those long nights when you 

woke up every hour and refused to go to anyone else.  Our weaning story is definitely 

not what I would have ever imagined but I know that one day we will look back on all 

of this and understand the greater purpose.  I am so thankful to be home with you again, 

to rock you to sleep every night and see your smiling face in the morning.  We may 

have closed this one chapter in your story so far but, I promise you, there is so much 

more waiting for us ahead.  You are loved, my sweet girl, loved beyond belief.

On Being Enough

After the shock, awe, and outrage expressed last week over Time magazine's most 

recent cover, a photo of a mother breastfeeding her three year old son, I've found 

myself pondering the media's ability to sensationalize even the most basic of situations.  

In theory, the cover sounds perfectly innocent to me: a mother nursing her son, 

proudly nurturing him in the way she best sees fit.  But then I saw the photo, read the 

title of the article, "Are You Mom Enough?", and quickly became disappointed in the 

nature in which the message behind this article was presented.

The article, "Are You Mom Enough", is actually about Dr. Sears and the ins and outs 

of Attachment Parenting, a philosophy my husband and I hold very near and dear to 

our hearts.  Except most people wouldn't know that because they are too busy 

being shocked by the photo on the cover of the magazine and outraged over the arrogance

 in the title.  Let me start by saying that photographs of women breastfeeding their 

children do NOT offend me, I have many photos of myself nursing my own children 

and treasure them, considering them to be the most beautiful moments captured on 

film.  This particular photo, in my personal opinion, was staged to create a massive

 reaction.  This photo does not truly depict breastfeeding: it depicts a magazine 

attempting to sell a record number of copies.  Do I believe that this mother stands with

 her hands on her hips, staring defiantly at those around her, while her son stands on 

a kitchen chair to nurse on a daily basis?  No, I do not.  I believe that this woman and her

 son share a very loving and nurturing relationship, enjoying the amazing bond that 

exists with breastfeeding.  I believe that this mother considers herself truly blessed to 

be able to nurse her son for as long as she has, choosing the path of attachment 

parenting because she believes it is the best way to raise him.  But, because of the nature 

of this photo, the general population will most likely miss out on that.

Breastfeeding is intimate, beautiful, and empowering.  It has been, for me, one of the 

most amazing experiences of my motherhood journey.  But for as right and well as it 

has been for my journey, it doesn't make me any more "enough" than the next mother.  

The title of this article, "Are You Mom Enough?", did nothing for women across 

America except reignite the already played out "Mommy Wars".  It played into 

insecurities, brought up perceived failures, and pitted women against each other.  Am I 

the one who feels completely exhausted by this ever present dialogue whereby

 our parenting decisions are dissected and analyzed?

When you place a provocative photo on the cover of your magazine and use a title 

that makes people feel defensive, the true meaning behind the story is lost.  Yes, it got 

us talking, the news has spread like wildfire, but has it all been for the right reasons?  Did 

the words of Dr. Sears get across to mainstream America?  Did anyone really get to

 know the incredible woman depicted in the photo?  Judging from the responses posted 

on various blogs, forums, and Facebook pages: No.  And there lies the problem with

 the media machine in our country: personal stories and valuable information getting lost

 in the desire to push stories further in order to make more money.

My bottom line: how you raise your children is your own personal business.  If you put 

your children first, give them all of the love they need to thrive, and take care of them in

 the best way you see fit: you are most certainly "mom enough".  Attachment parenting is 

an amazing philosophy that has brought peace and love to the lives of everyone in our 

little family.  I breastfeed, our children sleep with us, and I wear my baby every chance 

I get.  I truly believe that because of all this closeness, because I am able to know, listen 

to, and follow my daughters' cues, they are happy and healthy children.  However, I 

also know that these methods are not for everyone.  Because I spend 6-7 hours a day 

away from my children because I work outside the home, being close to them is important

 to me.  I miss them and they miss me and being close and connected when we are all 

home together is vital to all of us.  You see, we all have different circumstances and 

these circumstances lead  us to the decisions we eventually make.  

One of my favorite quotes:

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the 

only way, it does not exist.” Friedrich Nietzsche

I've heard and read some pretty strong reactions to the Time magazine cover, some calling

 it "gross", "obscene", and "disgusting".  My opinion: it was a good concept gone wrong.  

Had they photographed this woman breastfeeding her son in a more natural state, most 

of those words would probably have never been used.  Had they used a different title, 

there probably wouldn't be a whole new slew of debates online about breast vs. 

formula, working moms vs. SAHM, cloth vs. disposable.  Then again, maybe there would 

be.  Because this seems to be a neverending story, a perfect example of how women 

never feel good enough, how the guilt that is the most basic ingredient of motherhood is 

ever present.  I suppose we will always find the need to defend ourselves and our 

choices, proving to others and ourselves that we are in fact doing our best.  

As well we should.

Adventures in Breastfeeding: Pumping Is Over

After 14 months of hard work and dedication, the pumping days are over, finished,
done.  Since Brees was only a few days old, I have faithfully used my breast pump, both
when I was home with her and when I was away at work.  In the beginning, when I was
on maternity leave, I pumped 1-2 times daily, helping to relieve my engorgement
and ensuring my baby girl would have an adequate supply of milk in the freezer when I
went back out into the workforce.  At work and on the few occasions I was away from her,
I pumped every 3 hours like clock work, never missing a beat.  I developed a system
and stuck to it even on days where I felt exhausted by the whole process.  I lugged that
big black bag and my ice cooler around like they were bonus extremities, bought an
extra freezer when my Mommy's Milk baggies took over the storage space.  I pumped in
my car, in public restrooms, at amusement parks, in hotels.  It was a part of my daily
routine, a necessity to achieve my goal of breastfeeding my daughter for at least the first
year of her life.

Brees and I did more than just achieve our goal: we extended it.  15 months old and we
are still going strong, still enjoying the bond we both hold so dear.  All of the hard
work involved with my pumping schedule has paid off because Brees has been able to
be exclusively breastfed despite the fact that she has a mama who works outside the
home.  That is something I am incredibly proud of, a fact I consider one of my greatest
mama achievements.  Many people assumed that since I work outside the home and
spend time away from my baby each day, breastfeeding would not be a long term
possibility.  But Brees and I are living proof that if you do your research, develop a plan
of action, and surround yourself with a support team, long term breastfeeding is not
just a possibility, it is a reality.

So why did I decide to stop pumping?  Well, my boobs actually decided for me.  At around
the one year mark, I started noticing a decrease in the amount I was pumping at each
session.  My routine was the same, I was adequately hydrated, but my body was
naturally producing less milk due to the decreased demands of my growing, solid food
eating child.  I started pumping more often and for longer periods of time, hoping to
stimulate my milk production and continue pumping the ample amount I was used to.  I
soon realized, however, that my body was simply reacting to the natural evolution of
Brees' appetite.  Brees and I are down to 4-5 feedings a day now that she is eating 3 full
meals of solid foods.  She is sleeping through the night and is no longer using me as a
snack source.  Her nursing sessions are shorter as her body now needs less milk.  And so
it was only natural that my body began reacting to the pump in very much the same
way: decreasing from 4 ounces a pump session to 2 oz, then 1 oz, until one day I was
barely able to get anything at all.

I had imagined that when this day came I would feel sad, upset with myself, worried
about our milk supply.  But I didn't.  I looked at my happy, healthy, well nourished baby
and knew that I had done my job.  We still have a pretty large surplus in the freezer to last
us a while and when that eventually runs out, Brees will move to whole milk.  She's
already stolen a few sips from her cousins' bottles so we know the transition will not be
as dramatic as we might think.  I packed up my pump and all my supplies, making
sure everything was clean and organized and ready if we are blessed with another little
one.

And so another phase of the infant stage is over, another piece of our journey has come to
a close.  I am so thankful for the gift my pump gave me: the ability to breastfeed my
baby when I was not physically present to do so.  For all of the stories about
breastfeeding you've heard, let this one serve as a source of encouragement and hope:
you CAN do it, you can make it work.  And no matter what happens, the love you have
for your baby is all the nourishment they need.

Little Mama

I called Isabelle to the dinner table the other night and she responded with "Just one
minute, Mama!  I'm breastfeeding my baby right now!".  I, of course, had to check in on
her and see what all this breastfeeding business was about.  There, in a quiet corner of
our living room, in the big lazy rocker recliner where I have nursed my own babies, was
my oldest daughter and her baby doll.  Isabelle held her favorite baby against her
chest, rubbing her back with the most peaceful look on her face.

"What are you doing?", I asked her.
"Nursing my baby.  She was a little fussy but she feels much better now", 
she calmly replied.

So natural, imitating her mama and the precious act she has watched over and over for
the last year.  She has always been inquisitive about breastfeeding, since before Brees
was born and I began telling her how mama was going to feed the baby.  She has always
been my biggest helper: bringing me water while I nursed Brees, reading us a story
and keeping us company, covering her sister with a blanket in case she was cold.  This
is a part of our family life, a process that takes place daily and therefore seems natural.
So I wasn't surprised to walk in and find her nursing her own baby.  There is a nurturing
side to Isabelle that just comes naturally, it is a part of who she is.

Both of our girls love their baby dolls, it's not something we've ever pushed on them
or decided for them, they just love carrying those babies around and being little mamas.
My mom says I was the same way.  I think that there's something special about
expressing the natural urge to nurture, allowing them the space and time to explore the
need to love and provide care.  It's something I understand completely: the
happiness obtained from giving of yourself to others.  I don't know what kind of women
my girls will grow up to be, I'm not sure what decisions they will make or where their
lives will take them.  But I promise, little ones, to always allow you the opportunity to
explore who you are, who you want to be.  I promise to hand you a burp rag and play
right along when you breastfeed your baby.
That's what mamas are for.

A Year Of: Breastfeeding

Brees Elizabeth turned a year old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this, but
I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year and all
the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this series of
posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

A year of breastfeeding...

This is my personal testimony of my experience with breastfeeding.  Brees and I have
been on an amazing journey this last year, learning and growing and perfecting the fine art
of nursing.  Of all the elements of motherhood that consume my heart
everyday, breastfeeding is the bond I hold closest, the gift I feel the most blessed for.
To nurture my child from my own body, to be the source from which she is strengthened,
it is truly amazing to me.

I was fully determined to breastfeed Brees, as I did with Isabelle, from the moment I
found out I was pregnant.  I set a goal for one year: ONE year of exclusive
breastfeeding, ONE year of making it work no matter the obstacle.  I knew that, as a
working mother, achieving this goal would require preparation, organization, and
an unbreakable determination.  I knew that the entire family would have to be onboard,
I would need the support and encouragement of Shawn and Isabelle to get me through
the hard times, the inconvenient moments.  But, most of all, I knew that I wanted to
ENJOY this process, to appreciate what an amazing experience breastfeeding can be.  For
my first baby, I was nervous and anxious, recounting every horror story I had ever read
and heard about, panicking every time a feeding didn't come naturally to both of us.  It
took me a while to learn to relax and let nature take its course.  This time, I would
remember to breath, I would remember to stare into my baby's eyes and breath in her
smell and trust in what I was meant to do.

I talked with my doctor about my wishes well before my due date.  I met with my
lactation consultant and we developed a plan before Brees was born.  I wanted to nurse her
as soon as possible after birth.  I did not want the nurses to offer her a bottle for any
reason, she was to be nursed exclusively from day one.  Our hospital practiced "rooming
in", meaning I labored, delivered, and recovered in the same room and Brees never left
us.  Unless medically necessary, she was to stay with us at all times and would be nursed
on demand.  We were to have as much skin to skin contact as possible.

Our lactation consultant was amazing, making herself completely available and lending a
hand whenever and however needed.  She helped me to identify a proper latch, showed
me how to readjust when she was not latched on properly.  We brought our pump with us
to the hospital so that she could show us how to use it.  She gave me all the supplies I
needed to make pumping a part of my daily routine, read more about that journey
here.  When I developed a blister due to Brees getting the hang of latching on, she gave
me nipple shields to protect me from any further soreness or sensitivity.  After I
nursed Brees, Shawn burped her and changed her.  He brought me water and kept me
fed, rubbed my back and whispered words of encouragement.  Having this support
system made me feel confident and sure of myself, they carried me through the long
and tiring nights.

The women in my family believe very much in spending your first few weeks
postpartum tucked away in your home with your new baby.  My mother would throw
herself in front of a moving car before allowing me to take my newborn out in public
for anything other than an emergency.  And so, upon arriving home from the hospital,
I propped my feet up and held my baby close.  Skin to skin, nursing on demand.  We
slept together, rocked together, started our new life together.  The "euphoric" feeling
that breastfeeding advocates talk about: it really does exist.  Your body releases surges
of oxytocin, a hormone that makes mothers feel relaxed, content, and less anxious, when
your baby is kept near and your let-down reflex occurs.  It is the body's most natural
anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug.

We followed this routine from day one, allowing it to change and grow with our baby.
We faced several challenges along the way like an overabundant milk supply.  So many of
my friends and family have struggled with a low milk supply, making nursing difficult.
Our problem, on the other hand, involved my body making so much milk that Brees
often became choked and winded while nursing, she developed reflux and frequently spit
up because she was too full too fast.  It took us several months to figure out how to
control this issue, resulting in us have to do smaller feedings more often, using the side
lying position as much as possible, and treating her reflux with prescription meds for
several months.  For the first few months, I had to wear two layers of breast pads to
absorb my swollen, leaking boobs.  I had hot flashes throughout the day and my blood
sugar frequently dropped to dangerously low levels, making me hypoglycemic.  But we
kept at it, using every resource available to us and crossing each bridge as we came to
it.  Both my pediatrician and  my lactation consultant were on speed dial and I
even befriended the president of the breastfeeding coalition through Isabelle's Girl
Scouts troop.  And I remembered to breath and enjoy the process.  For that's what it is:
a process, a learning experience.

I felt embarrassed and insecure about nursing in public.  I got over it.  I was late
for everything, all the time, because I could never time her feedings correctly.  I got
better about it.  I held her all the time and never wanted to share, wanting to keep her all
to myself.  I eventually did and her first word was, of course, "Dada".  I had to pump
several times a day when I went back to work.  I learned to love my pump and appreciate
it, regardless of how inconvenient it could be because it played an important role in
the success of our breastfeeding experience.  I sometimes felt isolated and exhausted.
I learned to rest whenever possible and ask for help when I needed it.

One year, that was my goal.  And here we are, Brees is one year old and I see no reason
to wean her.  Our breastfeeding experience has been amazing, rewarding, and soul fulfilling.
I have grown as a person in patience and strength.  She has been given the gift of
nature's most perfect nourishment.  And so we shall continue, with no deadlines this
time.  Brees will make the decision when she is ready.  Shawn is not only supportive
and encouraging, he is PROUD.  "Keep at it, babe,  I think you're amazing".

When people ask me for advice on breastfeeding, I tell them those same words: Keep at it.
It gets easier, after several months it does begin to feel natural.  The awkwardness,
the readjusting, it becomes second nature.  The feedings that used to take 30 minutes
at a time, the engorged breasts, the uncertainty: it gets easier.  Keep at it.  Formulate a
plan, surround yourself with supportive, encouraging people who will cheer you on,
be prepared for the unexpected, and keep at it.

When Brees was 8 months old, she started saying "mama".  When she was hungry, she
said "mama".  When I pulled out her nursing pillow, she said "mama".  When she was close
to the breast, she said "mama".  Brees associated the word mama to nursing, her voice
warm and her hand patting me gently on my chest.  The bond that began from
the first moment she was placed in my arms,
Mama.

Stats

Brees Elizabeth is 11 months old!!

In less than a month, Brees will be a year old and I am left sitting here wondering
how this year has flown by so fast!  

Here are her stats:

Feeding:  Brees began eating more table food and less baby food this month.  We have
been giving her servings of whatever we are eating as she shows interest and she has
been gobbling up everything in sight!  Her favorite foods this month have been:
spaghetti, grits, sweet potatoes, green beans, and cornbread dressing.  She is breastfeeding
5-6 times a day with her last feeding at 8pm.  She is no longer waking up at night to
nurse!  See how Brees baby led her own nightime weaning here.

Sleeping:  We ALL slept this month, FINALLY!!!!  After many, many restless nights
over the last few months, we finally decided it was time to move Brees to her own crib in
her nursery.  It was a very hard move for us as we had become very attached to
sleeping with our little one and loved being close to each other.  But as Brees became
more active and mobile, she began trying to climb out of bed, waking up every hour to
nurse, and crying off and on throughout the night.  It became very clear that she needed
her own space and so we made the transition from family bed to Brees in her crib.  After
only 3 nights of adjusting and a few tears (from both baby and parents), Brees is now going
to bed at 8 pm and sleeping through the night until around 7 or 8 in the morning.  Getting
a full night's sleep is something I will never, ever underestimate again!

Health:  Brees currently has 8 teeth and her incisors are making their way out as we
speak, creating two red, swollen bumps on her upper gums.  Teething is the pits, no
matter how you try to sugar coat it.  She has been a little more grumpy than usual and
chews on anything she can get her hands on.  Hopefully, these next 2 teeth will come
in quickly and she can have a break!   Brees now weighs 19 pounds and is still wearing
6-9 month clothing.  She is tiny and petite but has the personality and energy
of a giant!

Milestones:  Brees is walking!!  Actually, running, climbing, jumping, whatever mode
of transportation will get the job done.  She started walking on her 10 month birthday
and hasn't stopped since.  She quickly learned that those two chubby legs of hers were
much more efficient than crawling on all fours and she has made good use of them.
We thought she was a busy bee before: we had no idea what was in store!  She loves to
follow me around the house, walking behind me and babbling the whole way.  She also
started dancing this month, moving to the beat anytime she heard a piece of music.  Is
there anything more hilarious than a big diaper butt shaking it?  Dada remains her
favorite word but she has been saying Mama quite a bit.

Personality:  Brees seriously makes us laugh everyday!  She has such an adventurous
spirit and loves to explore and play.  I am completely terrified of what will happen to
our Christmas tree with this little girl on the loose!  She is a cuddler and loves to be
held, rubbed, and rocked.  She hates riding in her stroller and much prefers the comfort of
the Ergo.  For about the first hour after I get home from work, she is glued to my hip
and cries if I try to put her down.  She has become very shy around people she is not
familiar with, especially men with facial hair.  She has just discovered "Yo Gabba Gabba"
and will sit still for about 5 minutes to stare and dance.  She loves to lay her head on my
chest, twirl my hair, and hum.  She really knows how to tug at my heart.

This month Brees:

• Became very interested in our pets, sitting on the window sill and watching them run around the yard, giggling every time they lick her toes, petting them and pulling their hair.
• Started playing in her crib when she woke up in the morning, no longer crying right away to be picked up.
• Learned to stack blocks
• Continued to take her shoes, socks, clothing, and diaper off every chance she got

Thank you for bringing so much 
love into our lives, sweet girl!  

Adventures in Breastfeeding: Night Weaning

After a very challenging month of cosleeping that resulted in NO sleep for Brees, Shawn,
or myself, we decided to make the very big move of putting our precious baby in her own
bed.  As Brees became more active and mobile, it started to affect her sleep habits.  For
most of her ninth month, she woke up every 1-2 hours throughout the night,
crying inconsolably, playing and trying to crawl out of bed, and breastfeeding her little
heart out.  We were all, as a result, exhausted.

We tried everything: rocking, patting, one routine after another.  Reluctantly, we made
the decision to put Brees in her pretty little nursery that hasn't gotten much use until now.
I stressed myself into a full blown anxiety attack on night one of the big move: we have
spent every night of her life within an arm's reach, most of those nights sleeping side by
side, her arms wrapped around mine.  Was I really ready to let this precious phase go?  Did
I really want to move on just yet, knowing how quickly they grow, how fast the time flies
by?  But it was time, we all knew it.  And so we went through our normal night
routine: dinner, bath time, lullabies and prayers.  I kissed her a hundred times, gave her
an extra tight hug, and put her down in her bed.  She cried, oh did she cry!  But I patted
her and shushed her and let her know that I was right by her side.  And after about
five minutes, she drifted off to sleep.

The first night, she woke up twice and I went into her room to nurse her.  The second
night, she woke up only once.  By the third night, she slept from 8pm until 7:30 am, no
night feedings, no crying when I put her down.  She just slept.  In just 3 days, Brees
went from waking up every hour to sleeping almost 12 hours a night.  She night
weaned HERSELF, reassuring me that making the move from family bed to baby in her
own crib was definitely the right decision, it was time for that transition to take place.
We followed her cues, knowing that she was ready for her own space.  And I soon
realized that all of those night feedings were happening not because she was hungry
but because I was THERE.  She was using the comfort of nursing to soothe herself back
to sleep.  Now, she is soothing herself.

The first several nights were really hard emotionally: I missed her smell, the warmth of
her little body, the intimacy of the family bed.  My boobs missed her even more and
waking up the first couple of mornings was literally painful.  I actually considered pumping
on the second night when I woke up at 2am to throbbing, leaking boobs that were
left wondering what in the hell was going on here!  But after several days of our new
routine, more sleep than we had experienced in almost a year, and no baby wanting to
nurse herself back to sleep, my boobs have adjusted just fine.  We are still nursing 5 times
a day and my supply has not suffered at all.  It is the most amazing thing to witness:
the human body functioning as it was intended to.  With the demand of breast milk at
night decreased, the supply has decreased.  My body has responded to the new routine,
no longer filling up and causing pain when no need to nurse is there.  And my heart
has adjusted as well: enjoying the chance to read in bed again, to sleep with my head on
my husband's chest, to watch David Letterman with no worries of waking up a
sleeping babe.

So a new phase is here, a new leg of the journey began.  Brees is sleeping comfortably in
her own room, the same crib her sister dreamed in.  And we have reclaimed our room
for ourselves, enjoying the luxury of a full night's rest.  With a consistent bedtime routine
and a night cap dose of breast milk right before bed, Brees has successfully been
night weaned. And, as with most things baby related, it turned out to be much less
dramatic than my mama mind originally anticipated.