A Year Of: Learning

Brees Elizabeth turned 2 years old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this,
but I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year
and all the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this
series of posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

A year of coming into her own...

Brees is an explorer, an active and curious child who wants to know and
understand everything around her.  From the moment she wakes up in the morning,
she asks to put on her shoes and "go outside!".  She loves digging in dirt and eating it,
too.  She loves running and climbing and playing in water.  Her favorite thing to do is
to rummage through my closet, purse, and/or make-up bag: spilling all of their
contents from one end of the house to the other as she examines each object and claims
it for herself.  She is messy, mischievous, and the type of child who, if you suddenly notice
is quiet, you had better investigate immediately.  

We try to foster this constant need for exploration by giving Brees little areas to go wild.
We have a big pot of dirt in our garden full of tools for her to dig in, a kitchen playset in
our kitchen for her to cook and imitate mama, a baby pool set up just for her to splash
and play in.  It's so important to me for my girls to feel inspired and stimulated and I try
to make our home a reflection of that.  I think back to the days when I had a
perfectly decorated house that was sparkling clean and completely organized and I smile.
As much as I loved that space, I am so thankful for what we have now.  The messes and
little kid things: they have made our house a home.

This year, Brees grew into her own person, developed a distinct personality with likes
and dislikes.  She likes: eating everything in sight, snuggling and giving/getting lots
of affection, sleeping, being dirty/getting dirty/making messes, reading books, playing
with her baby dolls/toy trains/building blocks.  She dislikes: getting dressed, when the
dogs lick her face/steal her snacks, using silverware.  She is funny and has learned how
to make people laugh, a complete ham just like her older sister.

For a Type A personality mother, Brees has been an amazing learning experience for
me.  She has taught me to let go of my need to have a perfectly clean home: a big
mess means a big memory.  She has taught me to enjoy sitting in the dirt on a warm
summer day rather than worry over stains and dirty feet: soap can fix most anything.
Brees has helped me let go of so many neuroses, encouraged me through her peaceful
spirit to surrender to the big and beautiful world around me.  I've always thought that
God puts certain people into our lives for specific reasons, people to help us on our
journey and nurture our souls.  Throughout her second year, Brees has helped me to
relax and be present, to have fun and enjoy the simplest moments.  Brees has helped
to ground me and make me a better person.  Thank you, little girl, for your free spirit.

 

A Year Of: Learning Boundaries

Brees Elizabeth will be 2 years old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this, 
but I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year 
and all the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this 
series of posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

Throughout her second year, Brees explored the world around her and the boundaries we
so carefully placed in front of her.  She pushed her limits and her parents, learned the fine
art of temper tantrums, and became a master at batting her eyelashes and attempting
to make everything right with a kiss.  Recently, her new favorite word became "NO!"
and she proudly used it when anyone tried to deter her from whatever mission she
was engrossed in.  Shawn and I both knew that it was time to start the discipline process,
as difficult as it might be.  We knew that we had to be on the same page and that the
family would have to work together to keep our home a happy, healthy environment
for everyone.

We believe that discipline is as important an expression of love as physical affection
and praise.  We believe that discipline should be carried out with patience and should
always be followed up with love and encouragement. Children need to learn boundaries,
they need to understand that every action comes with a consequence, whether positive
or negative.  By making the right choices and getting showered in positive praise,
they eventually begin to seek out such outcomes rather than attempting to get
negative attention.

We use the same system with both of our girls, we simply adjust it to accommodate their
age and cognitive level.  We use the time-out routine made popular by "Supernanny",
Jo Frost.  We also refer to Dr. Sears and his recommendations for the time-out
process.  Simply put, the girls get one warning.  If they chose to continue their
naughty behavior, we put them on the designated time-out stool.  We get down to their
eye level and tell them why they are in time-out: "Brees, you are in time-out for hitting
your sister". The girls sit in time-out according to their age which means Brees stays put
for 2 minutes.  If she gets up, which she almost always does, we take her by the hand
and put her back on the stool, no conversation, no negotiating.  We do this as many times
as it takes to get her to sit in time-out for 2 minutes.  This can be exhausting,
frustrating, and hopeless at times as toddlers are relentless.  But we try our best to
be consistent and let her know that no matter how many times she gets up, the outcome
will be the same.  It typically only takes 1 or 2 trips back to the stool before she sits
still.  After her 2 minutes are up, we get down to her level again, explain to her why she
was put there, and then give her lots of hugs and kisses.  She's off and running in no
time, settled and ready for her next adventure.

Sometimes, we put ourselves in time out.  There are days when I get home from work and
I am tired and stressed and my patience is nonexistent.  It's important for me to
recognize that and to know when I need a few minutes alone to regroup and take on the
task of being a loving, nurturing mother.  It may just take a few minutes of hiding in
my closet, a few deep breathes and a whispered prayer, and then I head back out to do
my best.  Knowing my own limits and asking for a few moments when I need them
are essential for me to be my best for my girls.

The most important element to the success of our discipline routine is making sure
that Shawn and I are on the same page.  We have to encourage each other and
remember why we are setting these rules.  This family is a team and we all work together
to reach the same goal: a happy, peaceful household.  It is sometimes very difficult to
follow through, especially when Brees looks up at us with her big brown eyes.  But we
are setting the stage now for a healthy, productive future for her.  We are teaching her,
as best we can, to always try to do the right thing.  And, more importantly, to know
that even when she doesn't get it right, her family is still right there waiting for her,
arms opened wide.

A Year Of: Bedding Close

Brees Elizabeth turned a year old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this, but
I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year and all
the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this series of
posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

A year of bedding close...

Brees spent most of her first year sleeping right by her mama and daddy.  We believe
in sleeping close to our babies for the same reasons we believe in baby wearing: by
keeping Brees in close proximity at night, we were better able to meet all of her needs.
Just as we don't believe in letting her "cry it out" during the day, we didn't let her do it
at night, either.  Having her right next to me allowed me to breastfeed her with minimal
sleep disruption, allowing us both to feel more rested.  By being so close to each other,
we were able to be fully aware of her cues and could respond to her stirrings before
they became cries.  Bedding close also met her emotional needs, reducing separation
anxiety and nighttime fears, reassuring her and comforting her when she went through
those phases.  

Rooming in...

It all started in the hospital, keeping her in our room at all times.  Our hospital features
labor, delivery, recovery rooms and encourages rooming in.  From the moment she was
born, Brees slept right next to us, allowing me to nurse her on demand and establish a
good milk supply from the beginning.

The family bassinet...

When we brought Brees home from the hospital, she slept in this little bassinet next to
our bed.  This cradle has been in my family for several generations, lulling my cousins and
I all to sleep.  For the first month of her life, Brees became a part of this tradition.  I love
this photo with all my heart: I was 36 weeks pregnant and Shawn and I were putting
the finishing touches on the house, getting everything ready for our new baby.
Isabelle placed her baby doll in the bassinet to "practice".  We were all so excited.

The pack n play crib...

When Brees outgrew her bassinet, we put her in her pack and play bassinet.  This
was seriously one of the most useful pieces of baby equipment we owned this last year.  It
is as spacious as a crib, very portable, and even included a changing table.  It also allowed
us to incline the mattress which was so useful with her reflux.

The family bed...

When Brees was about 6 months old, she started experiencing separation anxiety and
cried inconsolably when we put her in her bed.  She was teething at this time and
nursing more than ever, needing extra love and attention as she was so uncomfortable.
We began co-sleeping, the three of us all snug in our big bed.  This was one of my
favorite times, the family bed.  The close bond and connection we experienced was
comforting and soothing to all of us.  

The floor bed...

Around 10 months old, Brees became very active and co-sleeping was distracting for her.
She woke up multiple times throughout the night wanting to play and nursing every 2
hours.  We started worrying about her crawling out of bed.  We also worried that she
wasn't resting well and was in need of her own secure space.  We decided to transition her
to a floor bed in her room.  By spending a few weeks on her floor bed, we were able to
slowly adjust her to being in her nursery, making the move to her crib
pretty seamless.

Sleeping in her nursery crib...

At eleven months old, Brees began sleeping in her own crib in her nursery.  For the first
two nights, she cried for several minutes when we put her down.  We took turns going in
and out of her room, rocking her until she stopped crying and then placing her back in her
bed.  After 10 minutes, she went right to sleep.  By the third night, she smiled as we
kissed her good night, held her blankie close, and drifted off to sleep.  Moving Brees to
her own crib resulted in her sleeping through the night for the first time since she was
born.  She is now sleeping 12 hours a night and has night weaned herself.

This whole year has been a journey of observing our baby's cues and putting her to sleep
in the place that fit her needs best.  It has been an emotional journey for us and we had
to adjust to not having her near.  But, eventually, Brees let us know that she was ready
to have her own space and it was time for us to let go.  Even though sleeping close to our
baby typically meant we were awakened frequently throughout the night, we knew how
soon this phase would pass us by and enjoyed every moment for what it was.  I will
forever remember our family bed and the sounds of a sweet, sleeping Brees in my arms.
In the next few years, she will move to a toddler bed and, like her big sister, just might
return to her parents' arms late in the night, the sound of little feet pitter pattering
down the stairs.  And we will welcome her with open arms.     

A Year Of: Breastfeeding

Brees Elizabeth turned a year old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this, but
I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year and all
the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this series of
posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

A year of breastfeeding...

This is my personal testimony of my experience with breastfeeding.  Brees and I have
been on an amazing journey this last year, learning and growing and perfecting the fine art
of nursing.  Of all the elements of motherhood that consume my heart
everyday, breastfeeding is the bond I hold closest, the gift I feel the most blessed for.
To nurture my child from my own body, to be the source from which she is strengthened,
it is truly amazing to me.

I was fully determined to breastfeed Brees, as I did with Isabelle, from the moment I
found out I was pregnant.  I set a goal for one year: ONE year of exclusive
breastfeeding, ONE year of making it work no matter the obstacle.  I knew that, as a
working mother, achieving this goal would require preparation, organization, and
an unbreakable determination.  I knew that the entire family would have to be onboard,
I would need the support and encouragement of Shawn and Isabelle to get me through
the hard times, the inconvenient moments.  But, most of all, I knew that I wanted to
ENJOY this process, to appreciate what an amazing experience breastfeeding can be.  For
my first baby, I was nervous and anxious, recounting every horror story I had ever read
and heard about, panicking every time a feeding didn't come naturally to both of us.  It
took me a while to learn to relax and let nature take its course.  This time, I would
remember to breath, I would remember to stare into my baby's eyes and breath in her
smell and trust in what I was meant to do.

I talked with my doctor about my wishes well before my due date.  I met with my
lactation consultant and we developed a plan before Brees was born.  I wanted to nurse her
as soon as possible after birth.  I did not want the nurses to offer her a bottle for any
reason, she was to be nursed exclusively from day one.  Our hospital practiced "rooming
in", meaning I labored, delivered, and recovered in the same room and Brees never left
us.  Unless medically necessary, she was to stay with us at all times and would be nursed
on demand.  We were to have as much skin to skin contact as possible.

Our lactation consultant was amazing, making herself completely available and lending a
hand whenever and however needed.  She helped me to identify a proper latch, showed
me how to readjust when she was not latched on properly.  We brought our pump with us
to the hospital so that she could show us how to use it.  She gave me all the supplies I
needed to make pumping a part of my daily routine, read more about that journey
here.  When I developed a blister due to Brees getting the hang of latching on, she gave
me nipple shields to protect me from any further soreness or sensitivity.  After I
nursed Brees, Shawn burped her and changed her.  He brought me water and kept me
fed, rubbed my back and whispered words of encouragement.  Having this support
system made me feel confident and sure of myself, they carried me through the long
and tiring nights.

The women in my family believe very much in spending your first few weeks
postpartum tucked away in your home with your new baby.  My mother would throw
herself in front of a moving car before allowing me to take my newborn out in public
for anything other than an emergency.  And so, upon arriving home from the hospital,
I propped my feet up and held my baby close.  Skin to skin, nursing on demand.  We
slept together, rocked together, started our new life together.  The "euphoric" feeling
that breastfeeding advocates talk about: it really does exist.  Your body releases surges
of oxytocin, a hormone that makes mothers feel relaxed, content, and less anxious, when
your baby is kept near and your let-down reflex occurs.  It is the body's most natural
anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug.

We followed this routine from day one, allowing it to change and grow with our baby.
We faced several challenges along the way like an overabundant milk supply.  So many of
my friends and family have struggled with a low milk supply, making nursing difficult.
Our problem, on the other hand, involved my body making so much milk that Brees
often became choked and winded while nursing, she developed reflux and frequently spit
up because she was too full too fast.  It took us several months to figure out how to
control this issue, resulting in us have to do smaller feedings more often, using the side
lying position as much as possible, and treating her reflux with prescription meds for
several months.  For the first few months, I had to wear two layers of breast pads to
absorb my swollen, leaking boobs.  I had hot flashes throughout the day and my blood
sugar frequently dropped to dangerously low levels, making me hypoglycemic.  But we
kept at it, using every resource available to us and crossing each bridge as we came to
it.  Both my pediatrician and  my lactation consultant were on speed dial and I
even befriended the president of the breastfeeding coalition through Isabelle's Girl
Scouts troop.  And I remembered to breath and enjoy the process.  For that's what it is:
a process, a learning experience.

I felt embarrassed and insecure about nursing in public.  I got over it.  I was late
for everything, all the time, because I could never time her feedings correctly.  I got
better about it.  I held her all the time and never wanted to share, wanting to keep her all
to myself.  I eventually did and her first word was, of course, "Dada".  I had to pump
several times a day when I went back to work.  I learned to love my pump and appreciate
it, regardless of how inconvenient it could be because it played an important role in
the success of our breastfeeding experience.  I sometimes felt isolated and exhausted.
I learned to rest whenever possible and ask for help when I needed it.

One year, that was my goal.  And here we are, Brees is one year old and I see no reason
to wean her.  Our breastfeeding experience has been amazing, rewarding, and soul fulfilling.
I have grown as a person in patience and strength.  She has been given the gift of
nature's most perfect nourishment.  And so we shall continue, with no deadlines this
time.  Brees will make the decision when she is ready.  Shawn is not only supportive
and encouraging, he is PROUD.  "Keep at it, babe,  I think you're amazing".

When people ask me for advice on breastfeeding, I tell them those same words: Keep at it.
It gets easier, after several months it does begin to feel natural.  The awkwardness,
the readjusting, it becomes second nature.  The feedings that used to take 30 minutes
at a time, the engorged breasts, the uncertainty: it gets easier.  Keep at it.  Formulate a
plan, surround yourself with supportive, encouraging people who will cheer you on,
be prepared for the unexpected, and keep at it.

When Brees was 8 months old, she started saying "mama".  When she was hungry, she
said "mama".  When I pulled out her nursing pillow, she said "mama".  When she was close
to the breast, she said "mama".  Brees associated the word mama to nursing, her voice
warm and her hand patting me gently on my chest.  The bond that began from
the first moment she was placed in my arms,
Mama.

A Year Of: Baby Wearing

Brees Elizabeth will be a year old on November 15.  I know that every mother says this, but
I really can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  As I reflect on this last year and all
the adventures and milestones we have experienced, I hope that you enjoy this series of
posts about our family and all the things we have learned this past year.

A year of baby wearing...

When I was pregnant for Brees, I thought a lot about how I would juggle two children.
Not only was I about to become a mother of two, but my children were going to be 6
years apart and in completely different phases.  Isabelle is extremely active and, just like
her mother, is very involved and social.  We spend many of our weekends and
some weeknights at Girl Scouts, dance class, festivals, fundraisers, and local events.  I
started looking at different baby carriers because I liked the idea of having the baby
close while still being hands free.  With a carrier, I could breast feed in public discretely,
run after my school age child, and enjoy the closeness of having my baby near.  It seemed
so practical and efficient to me and I spent hours researching and narrowing my choices
down until I found the carrier that fit our needs best: the Ergo.

What started as a smart and easy way to manage two children on the go has become a
love affair with baby wearing for me.  This practice has been around for centuries and
exists in many cultures around the world.  Most attachment parenting gurus promote
and encourage wearing your baby because of the security experienced by both mother
and child.  Having your child so close has proven to increase oxytocin levels, resulting in
more balanced emotions and a significant decrease in postpartum depression.  Read
 more about this philosophy here.

For me, I see the benefits because I can compare my public outing experiences between
my two kids.  I never wore Belle, I either held her or pushed her in a stroller.  With Brees,
I wear her almost everywhere we go.  She has only been in her stroller a handful of
times.  The difference: Brees is must more calm and content on public outings.  She is
easily pacified because when she gets tired or overstimulated, she simply lies her head
against my chest and goes to sleep.  I don't worry about strangers touching her or placing
her in danger because she is right up against me.  When she is hungry, I can nurse
her without any fuss.  At a year old, the ONLY time she has ever had a public meltdown
was when I placed her in her stroller and stood in a busy line with a dozen kids ahead of
us.  The noise level was insane and there was so much activity buzzing around us: she lost
it.  I can't really say that I blame her, my nerves were on edge as well.  Had she been in
her Ergo, she probably would have just put her head down and watched curiously from
the safety of my arms.  I honestly attribute her easy going nature on the go to the fact
that she feels secure and confident in her sling.  She can curiously look around at the
big bright world but then, when she feels overwhelmed, she has my heart beat to soothe
her, my warmth and voice to feel safe.

I've read many articles and talked with people who feel that baby wearing makes
children insecure, shy, and passive.  They feel that carrying your baby all the time will
stunt their development, both physically and socially.  Brees Elizabeth is living proof
that these fears are unfounded.  She began walking at 9 months old and is very curious
and active.  She is always exploring, observing, and on the move.  I feel that our
attachment parenting methods have actually made her MORE independent because she
feels secure, her needs are always being met.  When I am wearing her, she has the chance
to look around and absorb her surroundings without being overwhelmed, she can control
how much she experiences.

As with all things parenting, baby wearing may not be for every family.  For me, it
has allowed Brees and I to build a rich and solid bond, given me the ability to move freely
and tend to my older daughter while still  nurturing my babe.  I love being able to kiss the
top of her head every time she looks up at me and smiles.  I love watching her take in
the sights and sounds of each new adventure.  But most of all, I love how happy and
content this sweet little girl is, making me a happy and content mama.