Of all the every day struggles we face in parenthood, discipline remains the most
daunting to me. It is a necessary evil, a part of the mama and daddy package right
along with snuggling and enjoying precious milestones. Children are born with a
natural instinct to test their boundaries, explore their options, and get into trouble as
a result. And, even though it is our responsibility to show them the way and teach them
right from wrong, it doesn't make it any easier when they pout their lips and cry.
daunting to me. It is a necessary evil, a part of the mama and daddy package right
along with snuggling and enjoying precious milestones. Children are born with a
natural instinct to test their boundaries, explore their options, and get into trouble as
a result. And, even though it is our responsibility to show them the way and teach them
right from wrong, it doesn't make it any easier when they pout their lips and cry.
Because our girls are 6 years apart, they are at very different places discipline wise.
Isabelle is a typical 7 year old: she has just discovered the power of eye rolling, feels the
need to negotiate every request we make of her, and frequently gets in trouble at school
for talking to her friends during class. In many ways, disciplining Isabelle is much easier
than correcting Brees because she can understand exactly what you are saying,
contemplate your message, and then put it into action. This is also what makes parenting
her harder: she sometimes blatantly disobeys, knowing exactly what she is supposed to
do but then going her own way regardless. She is very strong willed and
determined: wonderful character traits when used productively but not in the case
of disobeying your parents and family rules.
Isabelle is a typical 7 year old: she has just discovered the power of eye rolling, feels the
need to negotiate every request we make of her, and frequently gets in trouble at school
for talking to her friends during class. In many ways, disciplining Isabelle is much easier
than correcting Brees because she can understand exactly what you are saying,
contemplate your message, and then put it into action. This is also what makes parenting
her harder: she sometimes blatantly disobeys, knowing exactly what she is supposed to
do but then going her own way regardless. She is very strong willed and
determined: wonderful character traits when used productively but not in the case
of disobeying your parents and family rules.
Brees, at 10 months, is quite the busy bee. She is discovering the world and learning
new things each and every day, typically in the form of destroying every room of our
house. She is an explorer, digging in every nook and cranny she is able to occupy. She is,
in most every way, a very easy baby: rarely cries and has an overall sweet and
pleasant demeanor. But, in the last month, she has begun protesting when we take
things away from her, sometimes to the point of screaming and throwing herself to
the ground. She is learning the fine art of temper tantrums and the impending stage
of toddlerhood is right around the corner, bringing with it many tear filled episodes. This
is a crucial age for her: the time to teach her that temper tantrums lead to negative
attention rather than getting you what you want (a lesson some adults never learn).
new things each and every day, typically in the form of destroying every room of our
house. She is an explorer, digging in every nook and cranny she is able to occupy. She is,
in most every way, a very easy baby: rarely cries and has an overall sweet and
pleasant demeanor. But, in the last month, she has begun protesting when we take
things away from her, sometimes to the point of screaming and throwing herself to
the ground. She is learning the fine art of temper tantrums and the impending stage
of toddlerhood is right around the corner, bringing with it many tear filled episodes. This
is a crucial age for her: the time to teach her that temper tantrums lead to negative
attention rather than getting you what you want (a lesson some adults never learn).
So what to do? How do you control the chaos? How do you teach your children to
behave themselves and be respectful yet still foster their vivacious spirits and embrace
their energy? We struggle daily with the answers to these questions, trying to form
a strategy that works best for our family and gives our girls the skills they will need to
be happy, disciplined, well rounded adults. Patience, consistency, and being on the same
page with your spouse is key. Be slow to anger and discipline out of love. My mother
once gave me the best advice: "Discipline is a form of love as important as showing
affection and paying compliments. You discipline your children BECAUSE you love
them, because you care enough about them to want the best for them. Guilt should not
be a part of the equation, you are simply preparing them for life and showing them that
limits are a part of reality".
What a smart lady, my mama.
behave themselves and be respectful yet still foster their vivacious spirits and embrace
their energy? We struggle daily with the answers to these questions, trying to form
a strategy that works best for our family and gives our girls the skills they will need to
be happy, disciplined, well rounded adults. Patience, consistency, and being on the same
page with your spouse is key. Be slow to anger and discipline out of love. My mother
once gave me the best advice: "Discipline is a form of love as important as showing
affection and paying compliments. You discipline your children BECAUSE you love
them, because you care enough about them to want the best for them. Guilt should not
be a part of the equation, you are simply preparing them for life and showing them that
limits are a part of reality".
What a smart lady, my mama.
For now, our discipline routine for Isabelle revolves around positive reinforcements and
time outs. We follow Super Nanny's routine for time out and, as cheesy as those types
of television shows can be, it really works. Jo Frost says to get down to your child's
height level and speak to them rather than hovering over them and be intimidating.
She instructs parents to be firm yet full of love, to be consistent and give positive praise
and encouragement. We use reward charts with Isabelle and she is able to win prizes
each week for good behavior. With Brees, we simply redirect her to another activity
when she starts crying in protest. If we take something away that she is not supposed
to have and she begins throwing a tantrum, we move her to another area, give her
something that she IS allowed to have, sing her a song and try to take her mind off of
the heightened situation. None of this is easy by any means, especially when we've
just arrived home from a full day's work and all we want to do is enjoy our children and
spend time with them. It's so much easier to just give in and not go through all the motions
of setting things straight, but that's not fair to our kids.
Nor to our sanity.
time outs. We follow Super Nanny's routine for time out and, as cheesy as those types
of television shows can be, it really works. Jo Frost says to get down to your child's
height level and speak to them rather than hovering over them and be intimidating.
She instructs parents to be firm yet full of love, to be consistent and give positive praise
and encouragement. We use reward charts with Isabelle and she is able to win prizes
each week for good behavior. With Brees, we simply redirect her to another activity
when she starts crying in protest. If we take something away that she is not supposed
to have and she begins throwing a tantrum, we move her to another area, give her
something that she IS allowed to have, sing her a song and try to take her mind off of
the heightened situation. None of this is easy by any means, especially when we've
just arrived home from a full day's work and all we want to do is enjoy our children and
spend time with them. It's so much easier to just give in and not go through all the motions
of setting things straight, but that's not fair to our kids.
Nor to our sanity.
This is part of parenthood, no matter how difficult and taxing it can be. Shawn andI constantly remind each other that by disciplining our kids now, we are preparing them
to be loving, responsible adults later. It makes me cry sometimes when I have to put
Isabelle in the corner or cut out an activity that she really enjoys, but I have to
remember that I'm doing these things because I love her, I love Brees, and no one ever
said that this whole mama thing was all pink ponies and cotton candy. It's hard work,
no matter how you look at it.
But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
