Sometimes, when my mind is so filled with thoughts that I can barely decipher them all, I am my most quiet. My voice takes a back seat as the wheels in my head spin and spin, making plans, understanding new ideas. I feel myself growing in that vocal silence, allowing my brain to take over, working hand in hand with my heart as I move along through my journey. I don't express myself well during times of transition and so I sit in the quiet that is really internally not so.
It has been six months since I gave birth to our precious son and I feel a sense of awakening beginning to take shape. I am ready to move forward in my career, seeking new opportunities that have come my way, pushing myself and my boundaries all in the name of personal growth. I am working hard at the arduous task of cleaning up my diet, getting my body moving again. The task of carrying three nearly 10 pound babies has taken a toll on me and it is time to regain my physical strength and endurance. I am cultivating happiness: focusing on the people I love and less on the things that are not true, focusing on the good and less on the misfortunes, practicing awareness in all areas and learning to be more forgiving. I am awake and alive and putting myself out into the world in new ways. It makes me scared shitless but I have found, more often than not, that being scared shitless is actually a good thing.
I sat on our front porch this afternoon and watched Brees play in the dirt, dirt that we recently prepared to make room for a new garden this spring. Putting down more roots, growing new and beautiful things. I watched her dig and sing to herself, twirling in her grass stained tutu, completely oblivious to any stress or worry or care. "Close your eyes, Mommy, and think of your happy place!". That is her new favorite thing to tell all of us. "Where's your happy place, Brees?" I ask her, already giggling as I imagine her answer.
"With you, and Daddy, and Sissy and River!". No specific place, no overly complicated details. Just us. A girl after my own heart. We are each other's jumping boards, the platforms from which all over things evolve. We are the foundation that supports all other ventures. Family. And together we grow and welcome new changes, new ideas, new chapters. Together, we enter new seasons.