You're Gonna Hear Me Roar

Isabelle has a fall break from school this week, giving us a 3 day weekend together.  While Shawn caught up on some work around the house, I decided to take the kids out for the day: a lunch date, some shopping, time together.  I was on a mission to find a pair of jeans, "transitional jeans" I call them.  You know, the jeans you wear after you have a baby because nothing else fits and you can't look at your maternity clothes one second longer and your leggings are starting to wear out their welcome?  Those jeans.  We ate lunch, the girls minding their manners while River slept in my lap the whole time.  I bought Brees a pair of sparkly pink Mary Janes, her choice, to celebrate the fact that she FINALLY pooped in the potty.  A whole week with no accidents and I don't think I've ever been so excited about poop before.  Isabelle got new makeup to go with her Halloween costume, she's going to be a vampire this year.  And River got a stuffed hippo picked out by his big sisters.  They decided he needed his own stuffed animal since, being the third child and all, he has no toys of his own.  A travesty in their eyes.

I piled them all into the dressing room: River cooing in the stroller, Brees attempting to hang from the ceiling, Isabelle posing in the mirror, and a huge pile of jeans for me to try on.  One by one, I went through the pile, jumping and stretching and sucking it in as I attempted to discover what size this new body of mine is.  My time was very limited: River would need to nurse soon and it was only a matter of time before Brees tried to make a run for it.  I didn't have time to obsess over my body, to pick myself apart, to look too closely into the mirror and judge myself harshly.  Just find a pair that fits, find a pair that makes you feel semi-human again.

The whole time I plugged away at my transition jean mission, the girls sang their new favorite song, "Roar" by Katy Perry, their shrill little girl voices filling that dressing room up to the brim:

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee 
I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

They were singing about being confident, believing in yourself, embracing who you are.
They were looking at themselves in the mirror and seeing beauty, smiles, happiness.
They were being fearless and innocent and real.

They were singing and dancing and being so carefree that there was no way I could do anything but follow suit.  They were inspiring me, without even knowing it, to be proud of myself and my body.  The chaos that filled that room, the sheer ridiculousness of trying on clothes with three kids in tow, I just had to laugh and embrace the moment.  I didn't see any flaws in my body in that mirror.  All I could see were three beautiful, wild, loving babies that have made my heart whole.  All I could see was a family full of love and imperfections and life.  All I could see was myself picking up a pair of jeans, high fiving my daughters, and dancing my way right out of there.  It was crazy beautiful.

A few of my favorite photos from this week: