Steppin' Out Saturday: Outdoors

Saturday we stepped out for a day of hiking and bike riding in Chicot State Park.  We set 
out early in the morning, our truck loaded down and ready for a day of family outdoor 
fun.  We chose a 2 mile trail that led us around a beautiful, cypress filled lake.  We 
spotted hundreds of butterflies, caterpillars, and a super creepy water moccasin snake 
along the way.  I taught Isabelle how to identify poison ivy (since I myself have learned 
the hard way) and Shawn made her a handy walking stick that she carried proudly.  
Brees rested in her Ergo, peeking out at the tall, looming trees.  Our St. Patrick's Day 
green came in the form of our surroundings this year, the spring season bringing some of 
the most lovely foliage here in Louisiana.  We had a picnic lunch at the family 
friendly campground area and then rode our bikes around the park.  It was the most 
quiet, peaceful day we've spent together in a while and I really wanted to stay 
forever.  Nothing makes this family happier than being outdoors, running and moving 
and feeling the sun on our shoulders.  The girls slept the whole way home and Shawn 
and I listened to music with the windows rolled down.  It was a really great day. 

Sweet Friday

This week has been about rushing home from work to play outside.  Doing homework on 
the back porch and enjoying the late evening setting sun.  Trying a new jambalaya recipe 
and enjoying fresh Louisiana strawberries.  Planting citronella and watching the 
azaleas bloom.  This week was about getting outside, getting dirty, and feeling the sun 
way down deep inside our bones.  It was a good week.  

The Other Side

I've written about my love for nursing a million times on this blog, reflected on how much
I love my job and the way I am able to nurture and help those in need.  I've shared
stories about patients who have touched my heart and changed me in ways I will
never forget.  It's not often that I discuss the more difficult parts of my job: the long
hours, the stress, my struggles with leaving work at work.
It's not often I tell the other side.

Last week I was sent out to a remote part of town to admit a psychiatric patient.
This particular patient attends a psychiatric day center Monday through Friday but is
eligible for home health care because he also has high blood pressure and problems
with Diabetes.  I arrived at his home to find him sitting on the sofa, staring blankly into
space.  I instantly felt a weird vibe, a gut feeling.  I ignored it, telling myself I was just
being paranoid.

The patient was polite but extremely agitated, his body language was a ball of nerves as
he tapped hit feet on the floor, wringing his hands as his eyes anxiously darted around
the room.  I introduced myself, told him why I was there, had him sign the consent for
giving me his permission for the visit.  Within minutes, he was a mess of run on sentences
as he told me, "I haven't taken any of my meds in weeks, I don't know where they are,
I really don't understand what's going on, I've been hallucinating and the voices inside
my head are so loud I can barely hear myself think, I see people everywhere and I
know what my doctor is trying to do he is trying to kill me!!!".

Shit.  My gut feeling has now erupted into full on fight or flight mode.  My spirit guides
are telling me loud and clear, "Get out.  This is wrong.  You shouldn't be here".  

"Wait, who are you?  Are you here to put the implant inside my arm?  That's why they
sent you, right?" the patient says.  

"No, no, I'm the nurse from the home health.  I'm here to help you" I calmly reply.  

"Wait here, I'm going to get something" he answers, and then gets up and walks to the back
of the house.  I reach inside my bag, grab my keys, holding them in my fist with the
sharp edges pointing out.  Just as I am about to walk out, the patient's room mate storms
in, wreaking of alcohol, stumbling his way inside.  The patient walks back into the room
and he and the room mate instantly start arguing, their voices rising as I announce that I
am going out to my car to "call the doctor".

I walk swiftly to my car and call the home health office.  I quickly tell my case manager
what is happening: I am stuck inside a house in the middle of nowhere with a
paranoid, hallucinating Schizophrenic and his drunk, angry room mate.  She tells me to
get inside my car, lock the doors, and get the hell out of there.  One problem, I left my
bag inside the house.  I run back up to the house.  The patient and his room mate are
still arguing loudly.  They both turn to stare at me as I reach down, grab my bag, and
tell them I will come back later.  "Oh no, don't leave" says the drunk room mate.  "We need
to talk to you".  I back out, remaining calm on the outside, and tell them not to worry, I will
be back later.

I get into my car as quickly as I can, lock the doors, and drive out of there.  I realize I
haven't taken a breathe in a while, I am sweating and tears are pushing their way through
my throat.  I was so scared, completely shaken up, imagining all the things that could
have happened.  I was alone and defenseless, just trying to do a job and help someone.
But this particular patient was out of my league.  He suffered from several
different psychiatric disorders and was not taking his meds, making him irrational
and unpredictable.  There was nothing I could do for him, I had to protect myself.

I realize now that I made several mistakes during this interaction.  I should have listened
to my gut from the beginning, should have been more prepared.  I should have taken my
bag with me when I left instead of going back inside.  I should have left FIRST and
THEN called the office, protecting myself before waiting for permission to leave.  The
entire experience showed me that I have to be smarter when putting myself in
these situations.  I have to react and think fast, protecting myself over my job.

Lessons learned and nerves settled, I know now more than ever that I was NOT born to be
a psych nurse.  Shawn promptly put a can of pepper spray in my bag and let me practice
my right hook on his arm.  Who knew nursing could be so adventurous?
Never a dull moment...

Wordless Wednesday: Gardening

Field Trippin'

Last Friday, my mom and I traveled with Isabelle and her second grade class to Chicot
State Park for a spring field trip.  It was an unseasonably cold and rainy day and we
arrived at school that morning unsure if the trip would be canceled or not.  Isabelle
said, "Mama, please pray that we can still go on our field trip even though the weather
is bad!".  And so pray we did, Isabelle's teacher and all of the mothers deciding to make
this trip happen regardless.  The kids all wore their rubber boots and raincoats and we set
out for a day of exploring nature and learning about bugs.  

I haven't been to Chicot State Park since I was a kid, attending Girl Scout camp and going
on nature hikes through the beautiful Louisiana forest.  The rainy weather took nothing
away from the amazing landscape: we were all in awe as we looked up at the giant trees
and lush, green leaves.  We were led by two very knowledgeable and patient guides
who taught us the difference between insects and spiders, allowed the kids to touch
live beetles, and helped them make their own butterfly crafts to take home.  After
exploring the arboretum, we set out for a short hike: learning about native Louisiana
trees and spying a few bugs in action.  We enjoyed a picnic lunch under the pavilion before
the rain caught up to us.  It was a perfect day with a really great group of kids.  Isabelle
was so happy to have her mom and grandmother with her and I feel so blessed that the
three of us were able to enjoy that time together.  We enjoyed our time at the park so
much that I rented a cabin for our family in May before we left.  I can't wait to bring Shawn
and Brees to this beautiful place and create yet another memory for our family.

Steppin' Out Saturday

This weekend, the girls and I stepped out with my best friend, Jessica, and her son Cade.
We took our three angels to a cowboy themed steakhouse, one of those classic
southern restaurants where you can be as loud as you want and throw peanuts on the
floor.  The food was amazing and the kids enjoyed dancing to the country music.  After
our bellies were full, we headed over to a local bookstore where we browsed the shelves
and picked out new reads.  Isabelle just started the "Judy Moody" series and I can't help
but squeal in delight as I watch my oldest fall more and more in love with reading.  I
picked up an Eckhart Tolle book I've been meaning to read, "A New Earth" and Brees
got a book about farm animals that she picked out all by herself.  It was a lovely "date
night" with friends we love dearly.  I am so thankful to have such positive, supportive
people in our lives.

Here's what we wore:

Mama>>Blouse: The Buckle//Jeans: Levi's//Belt: F21//Flats: Soda
Belle>>Jeans: Old Navy//Blazer, top, and boots: Kohl's
Brees>>Jumper: Carter's//Shoes: Keds//Lovie: Taggies