A New Soul

We baptized our baby boy yesterday during Sunday morning mass surrounded by family, friends, and our loving church congregation.  It was an incredibly beautiful ceremony that left us feeling spiritually renewed as we welcomed River into the church.  As the water ran over his head and Father Jose blessed him with his first sacrament, River never cried.  He stared up at us with eyes opened wide, taking it all in.  Dressed in the same christening gown that both of his sisters wore, flanked on each side by parents and godparents who swore to love him and raise him with the values we hold dear, I couldn't help but cry tears of joy for our son.  He is blessed already, a perfect soul beginning his life with a clean slate.  His heart is perfectly clean, open and innocent and full of possibility.  I held him in my arms, in front of a whole community of people who wish us all well, and felt so inspired.  In a world that can sometimes take us under with its conflict and darkness, I felt blessed to be surrounded by such unconditional love, to be able to carry this sweet baby in my arms.  

God bless you, River Scott, as you begin your spiritual journey.  May your life be filled with peace and love.  May you always seek the Lord in everything that you do, in all your trials and tribulations, in all your praise and thanksgiving.  I pray that your heart will be called to be a generous, loving, and compassionate person, that your thoughts and intentions are always pure, and that you will respond in faith to God's plan for you.   

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring." ~Liz Armbruster

 

The Fourth Trimester

A friend of mine shared this post with me last week, encouraging me with these words: "In your arms is right where that baby belongs. Those moments pass entirely too quickly. Cherish them while you can. Don't resent their need for bonding. Revel in it". I read each word as River napped on my chest, his skin next to mine, his rosebud lips pressed close to my heart.  It was the perfect post at the perfect time, a mama and a baby learning each other and navigating through the haze of infancy.  Each day stretching before us in a series of two hour cycles, nursing and rocking and swaying, a baby protesting every single time I try to put him down.  His swing and boppy pillow and bassinet go unused as he has found great comfort and permanent residency in my arms.  He's my third baby, most likely my last, and this article had me nodding my head in agreement, solidifying what I've been experiencing these last few weeks.  I've stopped trying to put my baby down, I've surrendered to his need to be next to me.  River and I: we are enjoying every minute of our fourth trimester together.  

"The concept of the fourth trimester helps us to understand the transition a newborn must make over their first few weeks earthside and once we understand we find so many ways we can help – but to me the most important facet of the fourth trimester is parental understanding and empathy, once that exists everything else will flow naturally".

Sarah Ockwell-Smith (Mother to Four, Parenting Author and Founder ofBabyCalm Ltd)

The fourth trimester: an idea that encourages parents to practice empathy with our infants, to understand that the reason they cry when we attempt to put them down or leave them alone is not because they are difficult or challenging but because they are adjusting to life outside the womb.  Babies go through an extremely disorienting time as they leave the warm, dark, confined in utero space and become part of the outside world, suddenly bombarded with light and noise and an unlimited amount of space that their reflexes can't quite handle yet.  Those days that we've all experienced, when the baby refuses to be anywhere but our arms: this article encourages us to embrace them and revel in our baby's need to bond.  It reminds us to practice patience as our babies find their way into life on the outside.  

The idea of the fourth trimester is a concept I find so beautiful and real, an idea that rings true to our family. I have held my son and rocked him, worn him, nursed him and slept next to him from the moment he was born.  Learning from my mothering successes and failures with the girls, I've stopped worrying about time and all the pressure it carries with it.  My only concern for the time being is to be completely in the moment, to love my infant in the way that he needs to be loved.  And right now, in this phase of his life, his primary love language and basic instincts revolve around physical touch.  

In reality, our fourth trimester will evolve as I leave the nest in a couple of months to head back to work.  I will no longer have the luxury of spending every waking second with my baby, I will be forced to entrust him in someone else's care as I resume my job as a nurse. Maybe that's why I jump into this role so wholeheartedly, maybe that's why I'm able to look at this crazy and exhausting phase in such a positive light.  This is my time, my time to be everything to this little boy, to hold him and soak him in.  When friends and family urge me to put him down, warning me that I might "spoil" him if I hold him "too much", I shake it off and hold him even tighter.  Soon enough, our fourth trimester will come to a close. For now, I'm going to live it up to its fullest.  I learned very quickly with my older children that this infant phase is over before you can blink and it should be enjoyed for everything that it is, even the hard days.  This is our time, River Scott, and as long as you'll have me, I'll be there.

 

Pajama Party

I never made it out of my pajamas yesterday.  I had every intention of getting dressed and starting my day as I always do: with a freshly washed face, brushed hair, a loose idea of what I want to accomplish.  But, yesterday, those things never happened.  Every time I attempted to walk into the bathroom to put my face on, someone called me right back out. River peed through at least three diapers, reminding me that I have still not mastered diapering a baby boy yet (yes, there is a major difference between changing girl diapers and boy diapers and I have been peed on multiple times thus far).  There was no putting him down yesterday and he spent most of the day against my chest in his wrap.  Brees was up at 6 am doing her best impression of the Energizer Bunny, getting into mischief around every corner and following me around like a little duck.  She was hungry, she was thirsty, she snuck into her sister's room and ransacked it, she peed on the floor after attempting to change her own diaper, etc.  Isabelle called home from school crying after vomiting several times that morning.  Shawn left me with the two little kids and raced off to school to pick her up, Sprite and saltine crackers on the ready.  It was a busy, messy day.

So, I just stayed in my pajamas and embraced my crazy hair and wiped up all the bodily fluids and we got through it.  We set Isabelle up in bed with plenty of fluids and allowed her to watch as much Netflix as she wanted to.  Brees used all of her pent up energy to carry crackers and stuffed animals and any other request Belle had up and down the stairs.  "I take care of my Sissy!" she declared proudly.  And River, well, he just slept happily on his mama and I can't say that I minded one bit.  At some point during the day, we went outside for some fresh air and a little peace of mind.  Brees did some exploring in the back yard and River nursed on the porch while I drank my tea.  In my pajamas.  With messy hair.   And a whole lot of love.

 

Learning Our Rhythm

I sat at the kitchen table this morning with a cup of tea, typing out this post and feeling somewhat rested.  River has had his days and nights mixed up and he prefers to sleep all day and stay awake all night.  But the past 2 nights: they've been better.  He wakes every 2 hours to nurse and then lets me rock him right back to sleep.  This has offered us some much needed rest, regardless of the fact that I am waking up constantly to feed our growing boy.  Staying up all night with a wide awake babe is tough and I'm thankful for these 2 hour spurts of sleep this week.

Our days are flowing and moving to a brand new rhythm.  I get up with Isabelle in the morning and get her ready for school and on the school bus.  I usually head back to bed with the baby and steal an extra hour of sleep before Brees comes down the stairs and loudly proclaims "I woke up!!  And I'm hungry!!".  The mornings are an intricately choreographed dance between Shawn, Brees, the baby, and I as we make breakfast, nurse again, change diapers, drink tea, clean up spills, begin chores, abandon them as someone begins crying, etc.  Shawn and I weave in and out of one another, handing off cups and wipes and little people.  I am so thankful to have him home with us.

Brees is beginning to love her little brother more and more.   It has been difficult for her to learn the fine art of patience, to understand that Mommy can't always give her what she wants RIGHT NOW, to share her time and space and needs.  We've been giving her little jobs and tasks that are all her own, praising her for being such a "big helper" and she really enjoys the responsibility.  She gets really loud sometimes and has thrown some pretty epic temper tantrums but we are working hard at teaching her the difference between negative attention and good attention.  We are giving lots of positive reinforcements and encouraging her that this growing family thing is actually GOOD.  Last night, as we all said our prayers before bed, she leaned in and gave the baby a gentle kiss on his head and said, "Night night, River.  I'm your big sissy!".  And then I just melted.

Isabelle is a busy bee these days: fourth grade is hard work!  Between homework and dance class, piano lessons and 4-H club, this girl has a full calendar.  She keeps us busy in a whole other way from her little brother and sister, her multitude of activities and assignments and interests requiring a calendar all her own.  She loves to hold her little brother and can rock him to sleep like a pro. Our after school routine of snacks and homework at the kitchen table now includes a baby in my Mommy's lap or on the boob but Isabelle doesn't blink an eye.  She keeps Brees entertained with barbies and tea parties and the two of them are closer than ever.  I am grateful for her love and devotion to family.

River got his first real bath this weekend, an event that involved the entire family squeezing into the upstairs bathroom with cameras and cheers.  I had to bribe Brees with candy not to jump into the tub with him, bless her heart.  She is my new official bath time helper, overzealous at times but a big help nonetheless.  Shawn and I were both soaked by the time we bathed the baby and then Brees but it was one of those Norman Rockwell moments that you just cling to.  

I still can't believe that all of this is happening, that I am somehow deserving of all this love, that I have been given three beautiful and healthy children.  The days are busy and tiring and chaotic at times but they are good.  And though we are definitely in an adjustment period right now, I know that we'll get better and better at performing the complicated dance that is raising little kids, our movements more synchronized and filled with grace. We'll perfect our routine and it will evolve into an art form that fulfills each of us, the five of us weaving in and out, creating something beautiful.    

 

Around And Around

Life with a newborn feels a little bit like riding on a merry go round: each day filled with tasks that chase each other round and round.  By the time I feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, and rock the baby, it's time to start the process all over again.  His care is cyclical and we are developing a rhythm wherein we are constantly connected and moving around each other.  And then there are the other kids: the big girls who need feeding, time to go to the potty, let's brush your hair, clean up your toys.  And again and again and again. There is no stopping point, at no time do you say "We're all done!".  You are never done. You simply move from one task to the next, sometimes performing several tasks at one time: nursing the baby while helping the toddler get into her princess costume, serving dinner while checking over math homework, catching up on emails with a sleeping baby in your lap, a toddler at your feet, and a 9 year old at your right hand.  Together, we are learning to flow in a circular motion, getting everything done without becoming overwhelmed, practicing patience as each person has to wait just a little bit longer for their turn.  

I could easily look around and feel overwhelmed.  I am a woman who has worked outside the home since the age of 13.  I am accustomed to waking up at 5:30 am every single day, having an agenda, crossing things off my list, looking over my day and feeling accomplished at everything I've done.  I am used to getting things done and by done I mean that once I've completed a task, I am able to move on to the next.  But, these days, with a brand new babe and a family who is adjusting to its newest member, "getting things done" has taken on a new meaning.  Being home with my family full time is a whole different dimension of work: there is no instant gratification, there is no clocking out after everything is done.  We just keep moving, around and around and around the merry go round we go.  At the end of the day, I measure my hard work by the efficiency in which I rode the ride, the amount of patience I practiced as we traveled around and around.  I give myself credit for getting everyone fed, keeping them clean, and loving these simple moments for what they are. I remind myself not to feel guilty for napping all afternoon with my baby at my side, I cook an extra fancy meal simply because I now have the time to do so, I read an extra book or two to the girls before bed in lieu of a bedtime.  We're soaking it all in and working out our new normal.  And man oh man what a beautiful ride it is.

 

Placenta Encapsulation: I'm A Believer

I came home from work one day during my third trimester and told Shawn that I wanted to have my placenta encapsulated.  "You want to have your what what?" he responded, genuine curiosity in voice.  I explained to him that this was something I have always wanted to do but have never had the resources to make happen.  Because we live in the country, it has always been difficult to find someone who was qualified to do such a thing in our area.  During my third pregnancy, however, I was introduced to a doula right here in a nearby town who was certified in placenta encapsulation and offered a very reasonable price range.  Erica runs a natural living boutique, does childbirth education, and serves our area with her doula services. Placenta encapsulation is just one of her many skills and I was excited from the first time we spoke about partnering with her.  

"What is placenta encapsulation?" Shawn asked.  Well, babe, to put it simply: placenta encapsulation is a process in which a mother takes capsules made from her own placenta as a nutritional supplement and postpartum recovery tool.  After I delivered my placenta, Erica would come to the hospital, pick up the placenta, and take it into her home where she would then dehydrate it and put it into capsules.  I would then take said capsules several times a day for several weeks.  Why? Well, the benefits are many according to women who have experienced the process: increased and well regulated milk supply, increased energy, decreased postpartum bleeding, regulated hormonal levels, replenished iron supply, prevention of the "baby blues".  Overall, a faster postpartum recovery experience.  

We went for it.  I discussed my plan with my OBGYN and was enthusiastically given the thumbs up to have Erica take my placenta after delivery.  After some research, I found that most hospitals do NOT have any policies in place preventing a mother from taking her placenta from the hospital.  We were advised by Erica to not let the placenta leave the room: this ensured that we could keep an eye on it and prevent anyone from forgetting our plans and possibly contaminating it.  My OB did tell me that the only way this might not work out was if there was some type of complication or problem that would warrant the placenta needing to go to the lab for pathology.  Otherwise, we were given the green light.  On the day of River's birth, we told our nurses our plan and they were kind enough to write "Save the placenta!!" on the white board in our room.  The nurses were all so supportive and genuinely on board.

Erica was one of the first people we called after River was born.  She arrived at the hospital less than an hour later, offered her congratulations, placed the container with my placenta sealed inside into her tote bag, and then left to start the dehydration process.  I received my capsules a few days later with the instructions to take 2 capsules 3 times per day for the first 2 weeks and then 2-3 capsules daily as needed.  

How do I feel?  Honestly, I feel fantastic.  As I mentioned in my last post: this has been the best postpartum recovery process I've ever had.  I've had less pain, more energy, and have felt very happy and content.  My milk came in 3 days postpartum and I have not experienced any engorgement or supply issues.  Bleeding has been minimal and my mood has been stable. Basically, I feel like myself.  Considering I just birthed an almost 10 pound baby, I feel normal. Normal as compared to feeling like some stressed out, exhausted, I just had a baby version of myself.  Which everyone around me is very happy about.  I believe in this process as I definitely see a difference between this go 'round and my previous two postpartum recovery periods.  

So there you have it: placenta is powerful stuff, y'all!  Some of my friends and family think I may have gone a little far off the new age deep end with this one but it sure has made for some solid comic relief.  Have you ever done placenta encapsulation before?  What was your experience like?

Week One And Everything In Between

Our first week home with baby River has been amazing.  This has by far been my easiest and most joyful postpartum recovery of all my babies.  I feel relaxed, at peace, and more patient that I ever did with my first two babies, perhaps because I realize now that this phase moves fast and fierce.  One minute you're holding a sweet smelling newborn baby, the next minute they're picking up their backpack and heading off to school.  The whole "it goes by so fast" cliche sinks in a little deeper with each child you have, making us breath in each and every day this third time around like it's our job.  We're savoring moments in this house, marking down each and every memory and enjoying our days despite the lack of sleep and endless list of to-dos.

The girls love their baby brother but have both experienced some growing pains while welcoming him home.  Brees was a bit lost for the first week: her temper tantrums increased, her crying spells grew louder, and her usually cheerful disposition was replaced with a broken hearted vibe.  We loved on her extra hard, giving her all of the patience and understanding we could muster.  I let her climb into the rocking chair with me while I nursed River, carried her on my free hip, skipped my chance to take a nap just to share a bowl of cereal and catch up on toddler conversation with her.  Each day, it's gotten a little bit easier and she's learning that little brothers are actually pretty sweet.  We're still practicing how to be gentle and soft with little babies rather than slapping them in the head and screaming "Wake up!!".  She's a work in progress, our little Brees, but I have a feeling that she and River will be thick as thieves.

River is a champion breastfeeder and took to the breast from day one like it was his job.  It's true what they say, nursing gets easier with each child: less soreness, less engorgement, milk supply regulates itself faster, more on all of this later. I credit placenta encapsulation on making these early day of nursing pretty sweet as well.  More on that later, too.  My lactation consultant came in and out of our room at the hospital, checking his latch and position, high fiving our boy for a job well done.  This is not my first rodeo, you know, and I feel pretty confident this time around.  I nurse on demand at this point which in River language means ALL THE TIME.  Seriously, he nurses every hour or two.  I'm much more comfortable nursing around people this time around, something I've always been self conscious about.  The girls have grown accustomed to me being half dressed and I've caught Brees pretending to nurse her babydoll quite a few times since we've been home.  

Things that are NOT easier the third time around: afterpains.  You know: the cramping you experience after birth as your uterus contracts back to its pre-pregnancy size?  Yes, somehow I missed the memo that these get more and more intense with each baby due to the muscle tone of your uterus being weaker with each babe.  Ouch.  Also, I think that my bladder is officially wrecked.  What leads me to this conclusion?  The fact that I can't cough or sneeze without peeing on myself.  Fun stuff, I tell ya.  I'm really hoping that as my abdominal muscles get stronger, my bladder will as well.  Fingers crossed.

We're not getting all that much sleep.  River sleeps A LOT, like 23.5 hours per day it seems like, waking up every few hours to nurse and then drifting right back off.  He likes to cluster nurse at night, however, which means that I spend several hours juggling him from one boob to the other for most of the night.  We try to nap in the afternoon while Brees naps and that is a lifesaver.  It's amazing how quickly our bodies can adapt to living on little to no sleep.  It's also amazing how one can learn to sleep sitting up with a baby on the boob and feel somewhat refreshed even after said baby wakes up to milk splashing in his face.

The best part of this week: just being here.  I'm so happy to finally have my baby here and to be on maternity leave that there's not much that's going to get me down.  Having Shawn home with me is just the icing on the cake.  We worked so hard to get everything ready and organized in preparation for River's arrival and now all that's left to do is live life and love these kids good.  Between the temper tantrums, bizarre bodily functions, lack of sleep, and overall complete holey smokes WE HAVE THREE KIDS: this is everything we've ever dreamed of and more.  River brings an amazing energy into our home, a sense of balance, dare I say things feel very complete?  They do, they really do.  And even though it literally took me 4 days to complete this very mediocre blog post, I feel very proud of the job we're doing so far.

The pregnancy pillow has found a new purpose:

My mother came to stay with us for a few days.  There's nothing better as a mama than being taken care of by your mama.

Our first night home from the hospital.  We were able to come home the day after River was born, thankfully.  We missed our girls and were glad to be in our own bed, new baby included.

Someone suddenly started putting her hands on her hips and looking very sass-like.  She's feeling better, though, day by day.  

Did I mention I'm a baby hog?  And I hold River as much as possible?  And I love to smell the top of his head?  

The consensus seems to be that River looks just like his Daddy which is great by me because I happen to think that my husband is just the bee's knees.  Here they are giving their best tough guy looks.

This little angel loves to hold her baby brother.  Thanks to her, I am able to uphold my love for daily showers and all things grooming related.

This little co-sleeper/portable bed is the BEST thing we've bought.  River is able to sleep safely in the big bed with Shawn and I and then we are able to drag it around the house with us wherever we are all hanging out so that we can have him close while he naps.  

Multitasking: because my family still needs to eat and wear clean clothes and other such things.

Seriously, this kid loves to sleep.  Just not at night.  And not for more than 2 hours at a time.  And not in his own bed.  You get the idea.