The Things I've Learned: We Are A Team

One of my intentions for our family is for us to be a strong and fully connected unit, a team as much as we are blood relatives.  I want my husband and children to feel that they are a part of an unstoppable team and that, together, there is nothing we can't accomplish.  We remind each other of these values often, encouraging each other, reassuring one another.

You're going to be okay because we are here for you and we'll always be here for you and we love you no matter what.

Easier said than done sometimes.  Expectations can cripple us and keep us from our true place of happiness and peace.  The need to control situations we have no control over, the desire to change a person to fit some unrealistic mold that we think they should fill.  It has taken me many years to not just understand the need for grace and compassion with my family but to practice grace and compassion with my family. To look at each member of my team as the beautiful, God given individual that they are. Each one of us was placed here with their own set of gifts, talents, and attributes for a distinct purpose.  None of this was an accident.  What one person lacks, the other soars in abundance. Because of that, we have the power to lift each other up and carry one another through the dark and difficult places. We have the joy of celebrating alongside one another through our greatest triumphs.

My children need to understand that the concept of connection and teamwork means that we are not, in fact, always treated equally.  There will be times when one person gets more attention, one will excel while the other fails, life is not always fair.  The baby gets held more, the ten year old has more activities, the toddler's discipline is a little more lenient to accommodate a challenging cognitive developmental phase.  The measure of time, privileges, and accolades is not equal to the measure of love or devotion.  It just IS.  We do what we can and what we need to do for the person when they need it, period.  There is no room for jealously or selfishness here: those are irrational emotions that weaken our spirits and take away from the beauty of what we have.  And I remind my family often: if you need more, just ask.  Don't be afraid to tell the people that you love that you need a little something extra.  There is no shame in that.  I don't always read the cues correctly and sometimes I miss out on a person's cry for more.  Show me a little compassion for THAT and just come out and tell me, in the best way you know how.

Family is the safe zone, the place you can always call home.  We should be the landing zone for each other, the reliable and the constant.  For all of the times that we will fail each other, I hope that we more than make up for in hope and love.  I hope that these two sisters and this little brother always support each other, believe in each other, and hope for the best for one another.  And I hope that they know that Shawn and I will always be here, loving them and accepting them for whoever they may be.

The Things I've Learned: Let's Just Go

I'm a self proclaimed planner, a calendar note keeper, a list maker.  Being organized is my life line, it's the only way that I can be a full time working mom and do all of the things that I WANT to do as well as the things that I NEED to do.  Keeping everything consistent and neat and tidy keeps me sane.

But, there are most definitely times when you just have to say SCREW YOU to the plans and the lists. Sometimes, you just have to go for it: jump off the edge of the proverbial cliff and just do something unexpected.  Be wild and free and spontaneous.  It feels good all the way down deep in your soul when you adventure off the beaten path, it makes you smile and laugh and feel alive again.

One Saturday this summer, after all the chores were done and the baby was down for his nap, I sat in the living room with Shawn and the girls and not a single plan in sight.

"Hey, girls.  Want to go to the lake with me?  Just the three of us?".

"You mean, like, right now?!" they asked me, confused.

"Yes, right now.  Let's go!!!".

They scrambled up the stairs so quickly that they both nearly tripped over each other.  Before I could get up and start moving, they were standing in front of me in their swimsuits with beach bags full of toys and snacks.  They were so excited and I couldn't stop laughing at how efficiently they packed up the car and loaded up their rafts and called out to me to HURRY UP, MOM!  Their mother's daughters.

We kissed Daddy goodbye and laughed when we realized that we forgot the ice chest in the garage. Who cares?  We don't need it.  I let them pick the music and then danced to Katy Perry with them as we made the drive through the big pine trees to the lake.  They had never been to this particular lake, a spot I had spent many Saturdays at with my dad when I was a little girl.  They asked me a million questions on the drive up: what does it look like?  Are there sharks there?  Can we go fishing?  Will there be lots of sand?  They were so happy, so excited, so thankful to be with me.  It was amazing.

We parked the car and made the walk down the stone steps to the clearing that overlooks the water. They literally gasped when they saw the little swimming hole I had proudly brought them to. "This is awesome!!!!!" they shrieked in their little girl voices, making a mad dash to find a spot to camp out for the rest of the day.  And camp out we did.  We played in the sand, swam for hours, enjoyed a picnic lunch, threw the football, and bonded: mommy and daughter girl time.  Something we don't get to do very often, something we should do more.  They were the happiest little girls that day, happy to see me happy.  I felt relaxed, rested, complete.  I felt like a better version of myself: not the tired, overworked, stretched too thin version of myself but joyful, easy, free.

I didn't have a watch, we just played until the sun started to set and then we played some more.  We packed up the car and hugged each other tight and called Daddy to let him know that we were headed home.  Shawn and River greeted us in the driveway with big hugs and genuine excitement to hear all about our day.  We were together again and that felt good in the way that reuniting always does.

Sounds simple, right?  Just pack up the car and go.  But it's not always that simple because we are in a very busy season of life.  So I don't spend very much time feeling guilty for not being a spontaneous super woman.  I am a super woman in many ways but being spontaneous is not my strong suit.  But some days, I can surprise myself.  And my kids, too.  I can just say screw the busy and let's just go. And those days are surely moments we will never forget.