Be Still

In life, there are times when the answers I seek seem hidden so deep inside my own head that
I can't think clearly.  I complicate things by overanalyzing and obsessing over details I have 
no control over.  I am hard on myself and relentless in my self doubt.  Though I pride myself 
in living a life of positive thinking and forward motion, I am my toughest critic.  My 
tendency to be an overachiever is sometimes my biggest downfall in that I forget to ask for 
and accept help.  I drown myself in the quest for bigger, better, happier times, 
willingly carrying the world on my own little shoulders.  And the answers I search for just 
get buried deeper and deeper until I find myself screaming WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!

Last week, it was as if the universe had a message for me, a lesson I needed to learn, and it
was relentless in its quest for me to receive it.  BE STILL.  I heard and read and witnessed
those two very powerful words everywhere I went.  BE STILL.

As I was helping one of my patients with her medicines, she asked me how my husband
was doing.  I gave her a quick update, not wanting to burden her with too many details.  But
she kept prodding me, opening me up with her concern and her genuine compassion.
"It's okay, baby girl.  You just need to BE STILL and know that He is Lord.  You are
blanketed in prayers right now.  You have so many people rooting for you".  And she was
so right: I just need to BE STILL and have faith, believe in His plan for us completely
and wholeheartedly.

I talked to one of my best friends on the phone, telling her of all my plans for the weekend
and the long list of things I needed to do.  "Girl, don't even worry about all that stuff.  Y'all
just need to BE STILL  and relax.  Enjoy your time off and don't sweat all that small stuff".
And she was so right: I just need to BE STILL and enjoy the small moments.  The laundry
and chores and to-dos can all wait.  What is this life all about if I am not putting those
things aside and enjoying the chance to turn everything off and just be.

I received a card from a cousin that read:
Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He, faithful, will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
~Jane Laurie Borthwick

And she was so right: I have to have patience and faith, I have to BE STILL  and know
that through this whole experience, we are traveling down a path that we were meant to
walk.  There is no need to stress or worry or fear the unknown because the unknown is sure
to be the most beautiful part.  

And so this weekend was spent wrapped in the comfort of each other, getting lots of rest
and slowing things down.  We watched movies, cooked big meals, drank Sunday morning
tea with friends, and slept all piled together in the big bed.  It was quiet and relaxing and I
feel so rejuvenated because of it.  This weekend, the message was bright and clear, not
giving my head the opportunity to bury it deep within.  This weekend, my heart sang
 loudly, "BE STILL, Liv!" and I so happily obliged.

The Power of the Positive

This week is ending on an unexpected note: Shawn is back in the hospital, getting
further treatment as we work hard to help him recover from his devastating accident.  I
am a hundred different emotions right now, my mind and heart working together to form
a solid ground, struggling to remain strong and sure.  This accident has changed our lives
and tested our strength but we remain ever confident that we CAN and WILL make it
through to the other side.  I am with our girls, holding down the fort, the three of us
holding onto each other as we cheer Shawn on to good health.  He is stable, in good spirits,
and working hard at, once again, returning home.

This blog is and always has been my special little treasure box, the place I come to reflect
on all of the good and amazing things in my life.  While I am away focusing on Shawn and
our girls, I plan to continue writing and reflecting, to remind myself of all that we have to
live for.  Join me as I get through these days counting my blessings, using the power of 
positive thinking and love to strengthen our family.  Join me in reflecting on the good.  For 
I can assure you, dear friends, that these times are so much more manageable when you 
take the time to remind yourself each and every day why this life is so beautiful.

 

Reflection

I read this passage from "The Survival of the Soul" by Lisa Williams recently:

"As earthly humans, we are always looking for ways to make our life better and searching 
for what we think is lacking.  The grass may look greener on someone else's lawn, but often 
it is not.  The truth is whatever you have at this particular moment is exactly what you 
were meant to have.  When you are able to embrace the reality that in any given moment 
you have everything you need, you'll find a way to be happy with what you have...Life 
is about having love in your heart and that comes from accepting that you have the perfect 
lot in life for you-regardless of what it is."

This passage has been speaking to me for days, I think I've reread it a hundred times.  I am
a born go-getter, overachiever, list maker, planner, and organizer.  I thrive on looking
ahead, formulating a plan, and then challenging myself to accomplish whatever I set my
mind to.  The problem with all this tenacity, however, is that I often forget to just breath
and enjoy what I've done, I instantly start looking ahead to what's next.  But these
words made me stand still for a moment, made me take inventory of what is, RIGHT 
NOW.  Not what I'm working towards tomorrow, what I hope to find, hope to be, dream
of doing.  What is happening NOW.

I firmly believe that God provides us with what we need in any given moment: the
right people to support and love us, the knowledge and courage to navigate through
each situation, the financial means and job security to survive.  There have been
many different times in my life where I have worried, wondered, stressed in the not
knowing.  Surviving and struggling and attempting to make something out of
desperate situations.  And every single time, I have come out swinging.  The tools I
needed were there, things miraculously worked out.  I know that my determination is a
direct result of the struggle, I am strong because I have had to fight.  But I also recognize
that it's time to let some of that go, it's time to let my faith sink way down deep inside
my bones and really allow myself the space to breath.  No matter what happens,
everything will be okay because I have everything I need RIGHT NOW.  If the bottom
falls out, we'll swim our way right back to the top using our love, our fighting spirits,
our faith.

This is what I am reflecting on today, what's been written on my heart.  Life is such a
delicate balance and I often find myself wondering if I am giving enough of myself to the
right people, putting the right amount of energy into what's important.  Sometimes I
think these reflections come at just the right time, preparing me for something just
around the corner.  Other times, I think it's just a way of connecting with someone who
may be struggling themselves.  Whatever the case may be today, I hope that this passage
can bring you as much peace as it has given me.

New Year Dreams

For the first time in my life, I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year.  I 

know myself so well: I start out with the best intentions, setting these unrealistic 

goals, putting pressure on myself to achieve them, and then ultimately becoming 

disappointed when things fall by the wayside.  This year, I instead decided to just focus 

on areas of my life that needed a good clean up, some extra motivation and TLC.  This 

year I decided to focus on one word: 

GROW.

1.  I want to GROW in my health habits and show my body and mind more love.  We
joined a gym several months ago and have been going several time a week, but not
consistently.  During the holidays, forget about it.  I basically donated money to
Anytime Fitness in the form of a monthly payment when I didn't show up at all.  This 
year, I want to take my fitness habits up a notch: I plan to shoot for working out 3 times a
week and then doing a family oriented fitness activity per week like biking or a hike.  We
plan to start trying for baby #3 at the end of the year and I want my body to be in top
form for that special little one.  At 32 and 2 pregnancies down, my metabolism is NOT what
it once was.  It's time to change all that.

2.  I want to GROW in our financial freedom.  We have been using Dave Ramsey's
Snowball Plan to get out of debt and it is working wonders on our monthly finances.
Making smart choices, being more conservative with our spending habits, and forcing
each hard earned dollar to stretch a little further is key for less stress and worry.  We
don't want to work just to pay bills, we want to build a nest egg to rest more comfortably
on.  And with the hopes of another baby in the future, our savings account needs to GROW
so that we can support this growing family.

3.  I want to put more time and energy into our home and get re inspired to complete some
of our DIY projects, allowing our house to GROW with style and love.  Like most parents,
we have put most of our energy into the living spaces and children's rooms.  It's time to
hone in on those areas of our house that need a little love, too, like the master bedroom,
the laundry room, and that raised bed garden we've been talking about for two years.
Shawn and I need to sit down and make a realistic list for what we can accomplish both
time wise and financially.  It's time to put all those hours on Pinterest to good use!

4.  I want to GROW in my social life.  Since having Brees, I have really slowed down,
putting my hobbies and weekly girlfriend lunch dates on hold.  In typical Liv fashion, I
have been completely all or nothing, meaning ALL mommy and nothing me.  My time
with girlfriends may not be weekly, but it can certainly be monthly.  I need to get back
into the dance studio, start playing more guitar, take that photography class I've been
talking about.  I need to make that time to share laughs and good times without my
children around.  My heart misses those moments. 

5.  I want us to GROW in strength and love.  This past year, Shawn and I really grew as
a couple and made a lot of positive changes toward simplifying our lives and schedules.
We refocused our energy and made more time for the things that matter most:
family, friends, and real quality time.  We learned to say no and enjoyed more time at
home.  This year, I hope for more of the same.  I hope that we can travel more now
that Brees is a little older and more mobile, I hope that we can continue to define our
values and live the life we have always dreamed of.  Work hard, play hard,
living life to the fullest.

I Am a Nurse

"The No. 1 thing you should never say to me: 'You're too smart to be a nurse.' I
went to nursing school because I wanted to be a nurse, not because I wanted to be a
doctor and didn't make it." — A longtime nurse in Texas
From 50 Secrets Nurses Won't Tell You

Someone said this to me this week:
You're too smart to be a nurse, shoulda been a doc.

Thank you, that's so kind of you to say.  But I really, always, only wanted to be a
nurse.  Because, as a nurse, I get to hug my patients and listen to all their stories.  I get
to provide actual hands on care, get down and dirty, see people at their worst and
hopefully bring them back to their best.  So , yes, God made me smart NOT so that I could
be a doctor.  He made me smart because, as everyone knows, nurses are the brains
behind the whole operation.

Life's too short.  Do what you love and do it wholeheartedly.  Give of yourself
passionately, believing in what He made you to be.
We are all destined for greatness.

Sweet Friday

Thank God for Fridays, it's been an intense week at work.  The kind of days that make
you come home and hold your babies tight, thank your husband for being all that he
is, whisper prayers of praise for all that you have.

I've been reflecting lately on how easy it can be to fall into a state of "poor me", to
take inventory of your life and still want more, to look over the small and simple
blessings that grace us each and every day.  I took care of a lady this week whose floor
has literally caved in due to flood damage after last year's hurricane.  She can no longer
use her kitchen or living room because there is NO FLOOR, only rotted wood and the
cold, hard ground peeking through.  There was a man whose blood sugar was
dangerously high and admitted to me that he has not been taking his insulin because he
can't afford to buy it.  His social security check won't be in the mail until early next week
and he's just praying that his blood sugar can hold out until then.  Another woman
hadn't eaten in 2 days and, when I questioned her as to why, she admitted to me that
her drug addict son and his girlfriend had cleaned out her house and left her alone,
with nothing.

Each and every one of these people touched me in some way this week.  Each one of
these precious souls brought a new blessing into my life, just by letting me into their
home and sharing their story with me.  We do what we can to help patients in need
but sometimes their life circumstances are beyond our control.  I can share my
turkey sandwich I packed for lunch, try to convince the doctor to give me samples
of medications that patients need, but sometimes it's just not enough.  Some people are
really, truly struggling in this world.  And you have to sit back and think: what problems
do I REALLY have?  What is that I am worried about: having too much to do, not
knowing how to manage it all?  Are these really problems?  My life is so blessed that I
have TOO MUCH going on.  It is so full of love and light and amazing people that I
sometimes fret over how to handle it all.

And that is, in itself, the blessing.  I take care of a little old lady who, every time I walk 

into her home and ask her how she's feeling, answers, "I'm good, darlin'!  Too blessed to 

be stressed!".  Now THAT is a mantra: Too blessed to be stressed!  I've been singing

those words to myself all week, imagining all the things this woman has seen in her 

lifetime, all the experiences she has encountered, the hurt and suffering and hardships.  

Yet she wears her smile so big and proud, too blessed to be stressed.  

May we all have the courage to live life in such a positive way.

{One of my favorite photos, Shawn in his mother's backyard, in awe of the
most amazing Arizona sunset.}

Reflection

"If you think that feeling bad or worrying long enough 
will change a fact, then you are resting on another planet 
with a different reality system." 
~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I read these words yesterday and they jumped inside my soul, wrestling around inside
my heart, their meaning hitting me like a ton of bricks.  I haven't been able to get this
quote out of the rotation since.

I am a worrier by nature, a problem solver.  Nurturing others is necessary for my
existence, it is how I express my love.  But I definitely take it too far at times, allowing
the lines of helping and giving become blurred with attachment and enabling.
Obsessively worrying about issues I have no control over, being preoccupied with
details far beyond my realm.  I know this about myself, yet I do it anyway.

This quote has me reflecting on the entanglement I allow inside my heart and how I
confuse that with concern and assistance.  There is a line to be drawn, a certain sense
of detachment that must occur in some of my relationships.  But I was raised to think of
that line as selfishness rather than self preservation.   And I know it is time for a change,
for growth, for breaking the chains and introducing healthier habits.  I know that it is time
to replace worry with trust, allowing myself the ability to enjoy life and the love around
me rather than stressing over the details.  

From the same book:

"We release our burdens and cares, and give ourselves the freedom to enjoy life in spite
of our unresolved problems.  We trust that all is well in spite of the conflicts.  We trust
that Someone greater than ourselves knows, has ordained, and cares about what
is happening.  We understand that this Someone can do much more to solve the problem
than we can.  So we try to stay out of His way and let Him do it."
{Melodie Beattie}

And so here I sit, beginning my week with the realization that I must let go, in a healthy
and loving way, to some of my worrying.  Letting go of stress and anxiety and really,
truly lifting it up to the One who heals all.  Living my life knowing that I am doing all
that I can, loving and giving and caring, but not in a way so as to control or obsess.
And through these actions, I will actually be loving MORE, because my heart will be
free.  Living in the moment, through patience and faith, and knowing when to ask for
help, when the burden has become too heavy.

Reflection

I've done a lot of soul searching this week, reflecting on my life and where I am.  Our family 
is in a transitional phase as we navigate through new jobs, new schedules, reprioritizing.   
We are gathering pieces from our previous journey and carrying them with us as we 
start anew.  We are banding together as only our little tribe can and setting down new 
roots, preparing the soil of our foundation for a fresh collection of memories, building a 
safe haven where our souls can rest.  And in the midst of all this, I find myself delving 
inside my heart just a little deeper, focusing intently on the space we have created 
for ourselves.

I've always been a glass half full kind of person, looking at life through a positive lens.
And that's not because my life has been easy.  It hasn't been.  I've suffered loss,
tragedy, trials that have tested me and who I am.  But something inside me always leads
me back to the root of what's important: love.  Having true love in the relationships you
keep, giving love to each person you meet, loving what you do and doing it to the
fullest.  Having that outlook and believing in the power of a strong heart carries me
through, even when I think life impossible.

I am a work in progress, a life long dreamer.  I wish on stars every night and write out
goals in my journal each week, hoping and praying for contentment.  I allow myself
no excuses, there is no reason to NOT be happy, no reason to live each day without
regret.  This is life: no matter the outcome, it is yours and no one else's.  What am I going to
do with that reality?  How am I going to take advantage of each and every aspect that is
ME, turning the impossible into my own personal triumph?

So here I am on this lovely Saturday, reflecting on the opportunity I have to make my
life everything it could ever be, just through the power of my own positive thinking, by
living my life centered and fueled by love.

This is me, taking the bull by the horns.

{Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.}
~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

Reflection

In lieu of the holiday weekend, The Girlfriend Guide is on hiatus this week.  We will, however, be back next week with all our girlfriend love and cheer.  For now, it is off to work I go, trading my Mama cape for the role of high intensity critical care nurse!  And while yelling phrases such as "Code Blue!!  Get the crash cart and start bagging him!" or "I need two amps of Epinephrine, stat!", my heart will be dreaming of moments like this...

Nothing makes me happier than bare feet in fresh clover, the smell of the lilacs next to the front porch, the sing song tune of the blue jays flying in and out of the barn, the sight of my family relaxing under the hundred year old oak tree.  When I feel tired or stressed or frustrated with life, these are the thoughts I fill my mind with.  These are the things that are real, that make life worth living.  I think of the serenity I feel when I turn my face to the warmth of the sun and inhale the sweet morning air, and I smile.  I smile and feel my soul shine as I count my blessings and rest in the peace I have been graced with.

May we always remember to embrace simplicity, to see the beauty in everyday things, to hear positive words even when they are scarce.  May we enjoy each day for what it is and make it the best it can possibly be.

Good Morning

I love the morning time.  

I love the sun as it peeks through the curtains, lighting up the blue walls of our bedroom, mimicking the sky outside our window.  Lingering in bed for just a moment longer, as one by one the babies make their way into our arms.  Helping Isabelle get ready for school, listening to her chatter away about the plans she has, absorbing her infectious energy as she anticipates the possibilities that lie ahead.  Brees babbling in her crib, fully rested, warm and smelling only as a baby can smell.  Enjoying a cup of tea with my husband, reviewing our day's plans with each other, reminders and lists, good morning kisses.  

I love to start my day on the front porch, reflecting on the blessings I have and praying for the concerns underneath.  I love listening to the birds in the trees, watching the dogs chase squirrels, the flowers blooming under the rising sun.  The school bus chugging slowly along, squeals of delight from the children filling its seats.  Neighbors leaving for work, waving as they pass.  

I love the fresh, new feeling the morning brings.  The love and hope that fills our hearts as we start another day.   Good morning to you, and may your day be bright!

Reflection

Monday morning here and I am spending a quiet moment on the porch with a cup of tea while Brees naps.  I am still reflecting on this weekend, the beautiful women in my life and their company, the inspiration they so gracefully provide me with.  As I looked around on Sunday, staring into the eyes of these mothers, friends, family, I realized that there was a piece of myself in each of them.  They have all influenced my journey to becoming a woman, shared parts of their beings with me.  My aunt's graceful nature, the way she can entertain a roomful of people effortlessly, with such great class.  My cousin's laugh, her ability to always see the positive side of life regardless of her situation.  My mother's strength and courage, her confidant demeanor.  My godmother's nurturing presence, her ability to mother us all so selflessly and take joy and comfort in doing so.  This tribe of women forms a collective unit, a family of unconditional love and support.  And we give of ourselves to each other, making each other better people.  

And it is in reflecting on these women that brings me to reflecting on myself.  What of these lessons am I now sharing with my own daughters?  Are my words and actions encouraging positive attributes in them?  The fabric of our family is growing and the threads that bind us together now hold these sweet little ones.  My happiness is not just for the good of my heart, it is for the good of these girls.  If I can continue to grow and become a healthier, stronger woman, I can bring to them the love they deserve.  

And so another week lies before us and I feel so inspired and energized.  Ready to be the best person I can be, ready to try something new and not be afraid to fail.  Ready to step into this life full force, arms wide open, heart fully alive.  

Reflection

I've been reflecting so much lately on words: their meanings, the tone in which I use them, how I direct my words, the intentions behind them.  Do I use my words to create positive energy in my life?  Do my words inspire and empower others, or bring negative connotations?  Do I stop and ponder what I want to say before expressing myself or do I unload my feelings, not considering those around me?

  Becoming aware of the power of your words is an important step towards growth as a woman.  My children hear my words, my coworkers are affected by them daily, my husband listens intently.  And I must take responsibility for how I put my words out into the world because they are important, they bear meaning, and they influence the energy of others.

Encourage positive thoughts, be respectful of others, remain aware of your place in the world: those are the mantras I strive to practice daily.

Speak love, and love will find you.