Wiping the Dust Away

This weekend, we were able to spend time with some of our very best friends.  My
dear, beautiful Ashley brought us a baked spaghetti casserole, saving me from making
dinner on Saturday.  The kids went swimming for probably the last weekend of the
summer and kept each other happily entertained for hours.  And when Shawn announced
that he felt stronger and more energetic than he has in months, my girlfriends
recruited husbands and fathers and brothers to come over and help him drag an old
cabinet out of the barn for him to refurbish.  Watching that husband of mine work out in
the yard, sweating and lifting and hammering away side by side with this selfless group of
men was enough to make me cry tears of joy.

I feel like we woke up a little bit this weekend, we wiped a layer of dust off our windshield
and moved forward just an inch.  We gave our home so much needed attention, spent time
with amazing friends, and crossed a few things off our list.  On Sunday night, after a long
day out in the sun, Shawn went to bed early with Brees right next to him.  Ashley took
Isabelle for a play date with her girls and I suddenly found myself with a few hours all
to myself.  I took a long shower, made myself a cup of tea, and curled up on the sofa with
a book.  It was quiet and relaxing and I felt so at peace.  After a long week of work,
hurricanes, and sickness, having a few moments to myself was the most amazing gift
Ashley could have given me.

I've been thinking lately about the grief we have experienced since Shawn's accident,
the complete and total loss that has hung over us and become a new reality.  He is alive and
we are thankful but there is still a deep sadness that accompanies such trauma.  With so
many uncertainties on the horizon and the role changes that have occurred because of
his inability to function as he once did, we have been in a state of mourning.  We have
experienced denial, anger, and depression: all of these emotions swirling and changing
and sometimes occurring at the same time.  But I felt a shift this weekend, a pull on my
heart that is telling me not to sit in this grief for too long.  It is important to experience it,
to know it and feel it and make it a part of who I am.  But then you have to stand up and
move forward, shake the grief off and allow the blessings to take center stage.
Allowing ourselves the space and freedom to own our emotions and experience them fully
is essential to healing.  And so we go through this incredibly emotional process, this
soul rocking phase.  One day at a time, little baby steps forward and, occasionally, a couple
of steps back.  This weekend, I am so grateful for good friends, hard work, and a DIY
project to keep us busy.

Power tools + gardening = Liv in heaven...